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March 30, 2017

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could i get this paragraph edited it is a biography in the form of a speech

Good morning everyone, we have a special guest here today his name is James lore. Before he comes on, I will tell you a little about him. First off, James is a grade 12 student attending Medicine Hat high school. Like anyone else, he has things that interest him. His biggest interest is cars; he enjoys riding cars, especially his Honda civic that he rides to school. During my prior meeting with James, I asked him about his plans after he graduates from high school. He told me that he plans to finish his job at the local ferrous pizza and either spend his time traveling to British Columbia so that he can explore the rich mountain and plant environment there and going to Hawaii for fun, or going straight to college to in role in business classes. When I asked him about where he sees himself in five years, he told me that he wants to either be finished traveling or have started his career in business by opening his own pizza restaurant. During my prior interview with James lore I asked him about what super power he would have if it was possible. He told me that he would love to have the power to fly, for an easier means of transportation and also that it would be cool. Following the question about superpower, I asked him what he would like to change in this world. He said he would want people’s attitudes to change, so that people are more nice and accepting. When asked about his achievements when he was younger, he told me that he won several medals in lacrosse and hockey. Instead of talking about him, let’s get his opinion from the man himself, James lore.

  • English - ,

    If it's a speech, then none of the punctuation or other mechanical errors matter -- unless, of course, you have to turn in your written copy, too. Let us know.

    Here are some things to consider:

    he enjoys riding cars ~~> Do you mean riding in cars? or driving cars?

    that he rides to school ~~> rides? or drives?

    Delete "prior"

    to finish his job at the local ferrous pizza ~~> What does that mean? He plans to quit? Or they will fire him? And is "ferrous" the name of the pizza shop?

    He told me that he plans to finish his job at the local ferrous pizza and either spend his time traveling to British Columbia so that he can explore the rich mountain and plant environment there and going to Hawaii for fun, or going straight to college to in role in business classes. ~~> WAY too long for one sentence, especially in a speech. Break it up.

    be finished traveling ~~> He never plans to travel again in his lifetime??

    Delete "prior" and James's last name

    Following the question about superpower, <~~ delete this and add "also" between "I" and "asked"

    what he would like to change in this world. He said he would want people’s attitudes to change ~~> These are not quite the same thing. Does HE PLAN TO CHANGE people's attitudes? If so, how? Or are people supposed to just change their attitudes on their own (which is unlikely to happen in most cases!)?

    What is a better word for "nice"? That's a very bland word.

  • english - ,

    i have to turn it in

  • English - ,

    OK, then -- in addition to the content errors above, be sure to look for capitalization errors, run-ons, and comma errors, among others.

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
    Find Capitalization, Run-on Sentences, and Commas in this list. Read each section carefully, and then find and fix the errors.

    Examples:

    "Good morning everyone, we have a special guest here today his name is James lore." There are 3 separate sentences in here (2 run-ons). How will you fix these?

    "especially his Honda civic that he" -- What is the capitalization error here? How will you fix it?

    "During my prior interview with James lore I asked him about what super power he would have if it was possible." What is the comma error in here? How will you fix it?

    Repost when you're ready.

  • english - ,

    Good morning everyone. We have a special guest here today his name is, James lore. Before he comes on, I will tell you a little about him. First off, James is a grade 12 student attending Medicine Hat high school and working at Farro’s Pizza. Like anyone else, he has things that interest him. His biggest interest is cars; he enjoys driving cars, especially his Honda Civic that he drives to school. During my meeting with James, I asked him about his plans after he graduates from high school. He told me that he plans to either spend his time traveling to British Columbia so that he can explore the rich mountain and plant environment there. If he decides to not travel, his other plan is to go straight to college to in role in business classes. Following the question about what he is going to do after high school, I asked him about where he sees himself in five years. He told me that he wants to either be starting college after completing his travelling or have begun his career in business by opening his own pizza restaurant. During my interview with James lore I asked him about what super power he would have if it was possible. He told me that he would love to have the power to fly, for an easier means of transportation and also that it would be cool. Also I asked him about what important thing would he want different in the world today. He said he would want people’s attitudes to change towards one another, so that people are more friendly and accepting. When asked about his achievements when he was younger, he told me that he won several medals in lacrosse and hockey. Instead of talking about him, let’s get his opinion from the man himself, James lore.

  • english - ,

    this is my fixed copy tell me if i need more thank you

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