Posted by TEE on Monday, August 23, 2010 at 5:39pm.
I HAD TO CREATE A STORY CAN UP CHECK AND HELP ME WITH ANY GRAMMAR ERRORS.
Once upon a time there was a girl by the name of Lexi that was so excited about starting school. Lexi has always dream of what it would be like, when she begin middle school. Lexi mother ask her how would you like it to attend a new school. Lexi did not know what to think because she has always been a private school. She has always heard people say good and bad things. But, lexi was happy that her mom would let her attend a different school. The summer is almost over and lexi begin to get a little nervous about the new school she would be starting soon. Lexi went to the store and bought a journey she knew that this next school year would be a big difference. She wanted to make this her best year ever. As she watch the next weeks past by her mom decide to take her school shopping. Lexi agree with her mom and away they went on a shopping spree on a cold summer night. In a very joyful sprit, lexi runs a get a shopping cart. She begins to hold the cart very tight with a very big smile on her face. While, her mom is putting school items in the cart, lexi begins to day dream and her body begins to move has if she is floating in the air, then a big BOOM, BOOM sound. As she open her eyes she thinks of a tragedy must have occur, she looks up and she see this very skinny lady saying are you okay? As she comes back to herself she notice that all of the peanut butter jars of porter pan are knock over and everywhere on the floor. Her mom runs to her rescue, asking lexi what just happen she says I don’t know I can’t remember.
Some little kids run up and begin to help pick up the peanut butter. Lexi tells her mom that she okay and not to worry. Next, they begin to checkout and leave the store. While riding in the car her mom tells that she knows she worries and excited about her new school. Her says, I have already sent my pray to heaven for God to send his angle with you everyday so therefore it is done in Jesus name and Lexi this will be one of the best years of your life and there will only be good things not evil.
Finally, the summer is over and the first day of school is tomorrow. She is so excited to start a new school, meet new friends and teachers. She enters in the new school not knowing a soul. While entering the gym she sees Adrian and Brianna from her old school, they all begin to run to each saying “I didn’t know you was coming to this school”, they are so excited to see someone they know. The next thing will be going to homeroom to meet your homeroom teacher, lexi thinks her homeroom teacher is nice is name is Mr. Cathey. Throughout the day she meets all kind of new people. It’s finally 3:00 pm and the day is over, she runs all the way home so excited saying “I can’t wait to tell mom about my first day of middle school. She runs in the house yelling mom, moms you want believe who I say at my new school and her mom says who, Brianna and Adrian from my old school. Her mom says that good and how did your day go she answer saying it went great. A couple days later she joins the band and now is attending band practice in the evening times. Lexi says to herself, I really like this school and I’m so glad that I was able to attend. The band teacher asking if anyone has a brother that will like to be a junior drum major and lexi says yes I have a six year old brother that will love to be in our band. The Band Director says, okay that great, just let him know he can’t be afraid in front of a crowd of people. The next day afterschool during practice she brings her brother with her and they both begin to practice. Lexi tells her little brother,” Don’t be afraid of the first day of school”. He answers, saying okay Lexi I want be afraid because I know you are brave and not afraid of anything. They both smile.
- 6TH GRADE ENGLISH - Ms. Sue, Monday, August 23, 2010 at 6:29pm
Once upon a time there was a girl by the name of Lexi who was omit "so" excited about starting school. Lexi had always dreamed of what it would be like (no comma when she began middle school. Lexi's mother asked her how if she'd like omit "it" to attend a new school.
That's a start. Now, you go through and find the many other errors. Read it aloud -- or have someone read it aloud to you.
- English - Writeacher, Monday, August 23, 2010 at 6:31pm
Work on correct verb tenses, use of "who" instead of "that," run-ons, and other grammatical issues. See this index and choose the topics you need here: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
Check to make sure that everything makes sense. For example, this doesn't make sense: "and bought a journey she knew that this next school year..."
Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
And here are three really good websites that will help, too.
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