Posted by shan on Thursday, August 19, 2010 at 9:12am.
obsessed with immortality (not for the...)
Who has desire for immortal life. (This is a fragment, not a complete sentence. Delete it.)
urak - the name of a city; needs capital U
oppress = present tense; use the past tense to be consistent with the other verbs in here.
"Gods" >> "The gods ..."
Should "send" be "sent"?? Double-check all other verbs to make sure they are in past tense throughout.
Comma belongs after "Endiku" not after "eventually"
I know it's not easy, but you need to work on when to use articles: a, an, the. Many are missing.
Delete "between each other"
"It was unbreakable bond between two them. Delete this sentence; put "unbreakable" in the previous sentence after "strong."
To me, it is kind of interesting relationship because Enkidu is half animal man. I wonder what things bring them so close." Delete the last two sentences, and insert this:
The relationship between Gilgamesh and Endiku is unusual because Endiku is half animal, half human. What happened to bring them so close?
And that's just the first paragraph. Go through all the rest of the paper and double-check all the verbs. Make sure they are all in past tense. Check for when articles (a, an, the) need to be used. Check for repetitive sentences that can either be combined or simply deleted.
Then re-post.
thnaks
Thanks thank thanks .
U help me alot.
I am working on it ,can I submit it again ?
thanks again.
Yes, certainly.
It would be best if you worked on one paragraph at a time, rather than posting the entire essay. Papers are easier to focus on and correct if you take them paragraph by paragraph.
it is second paragraph.
I want to tell you English is my second language.I try my best to do it in right way .
After the death of Enkidu .He asks him self does this mean I have to die too? This thinking changes his direction. It is not doubt to say that Enkidu‘s death change throughout the course of Gilgamesh‘s adventures .Now he wants an immortal life. But it was very difficult task to do. Before his friend’s death, he might have not much problem in his way because Enkidu was a great help for him. Now it is a different story. He traveled land killing animals and wearing their skins. He met Utnapishtim, who was allowed to live in the distance by his gods .It was not easy to set a meeting with Utnapishtim. He put himself in hard way but outcome was not successful. At the end, he was very aggressive and tense of his fate .He never achieve his goal. Although he could not get an immortal life, he reconciled at last to his mortality.
OK, if you are writing this for your English (ESL) class, then you need to learn to proof and find the major errors yourself. Here are some ideas how:
1. Read the paper or paragraph aloud, either to yourself or to someone else. (Reading it to someone else is more effective.) In reading it aloud, you will focus on it word by word, sentence by sentence, and you're likely to notice (and fix) the errors yourself.
2. Have someone else read your paper aloud to you. Wherever the reader stumbles (has trouble), there is usually an error that needs fixing or maybe simply awkward phrasing that needs revising. If you and your classmates do this for each other, you both will learn more and more.
3. Focus on one thing at a time.
~~First, focus on making sure all sentences are whole sentences -- no fragments ("After the death of Enkidu" is a fragment), no run-ons.
~~Then focus on consistent verb tenses (all verbs in the past tense, for example).
~~Focus on phrasing to make sure articles are in their right places.
~~Focus on work choices to make sure you are using correct phrasing. (This will be the most difficult, but you'll get better over time.) Here are a couple of examples of word choice/phrasing that need fixing:
........"It is not doubt..." (should be "There is no doubt ... ")
........"he wants an immortal life" (should be "he wants to be immortal")
Go through this paragraph again, following my directions above. Make corrections and let me know what you end up with.
okay .I am working on it .
This time I ll submit complete essay,because I have to submit online very soon .
This is not ESL cls ,it is world Literature class.
any way thank you so much . :)
After the death of Enkidu he asks himself whether he has to die too. Further pondering upon the subject of death changed his perception on life. Enkidu’s death changed the way Gilgamesh thought about life, and now he became intrigued with immortal life, which was a very difficult task to achieve. Before his friend’s death, he might not have had problems in his way because Enkidu was a great help for him. Now it is a different story. He traveled to different lands killing animals and wearing their skins. He met Utnapishtim, who was allowed to live in the distance by his gods’ .It was not easy to set a meeting with Utnapishtim. He put himself in harm’s way but the outcome was not successful. At the end, he was very aggressive and tense of his fate .He never achieved his goal. Gilgamesh could not get an immortal life, at the end he reconciled at last to his mortality.
In Gilgamesh, the story of flood is similar to Genesis story. Gilgamesh and Noah, both put their trust and honor in their gods and obey the instruction to build the ship .Both heroes have been blessed. Both stories are also different in some ways. In the Genesis story, ground water was primary source of flood, and In Gilgamesh, heavy rains cause the disaster. The second difference was the duration and their landing spot. Noah ‘s flood ‘s duration was long as forty days and Gilgamesh ‘s flood stay for only six days. After the flood, both men were safe and blessed. I wonder, why do the gods bring the Flood? It is no doubt that God works in mysterious ways. But why does mankind suffer punishment for the mistake of one man. It makes me to think whose fault was Haiti? Does man‘s disobedience brought Tsunami? All these accidents that happens daily was a result of God‘s aggressiveness or he wants to put us in hard test to get the mortality.
All his life, Gilgamesh battled with gods and monsters, but at the end he discovered immortality lives in good deeds. He was only one who was refusing to believe what is truth. Present is also important as future. It seems to be he has all of his glory early in his life, and at the end he realized that it was all wasted. He realized that refusing the truth and blinding yourself that surround you, is not the perfect solution of problem. His story is a powerful reminder of a single sacred truth about who we are. I think Gilgamesh truly get immortality because he is still lives in his stories.
Make all verbs past tense.
In these sentences, two problems are going on -- repetition and lack of explanation:
"Further pondering upon the subject of death changed his perception on life. Enkidu’s death changed the way Gilgamesh thought about life, and now he became intrigued with immortal life, which was a very difficult task to achieve. Before his friend’s death, he might not have had problems in his way because Enkidu was a great help for him."
Do you see the repetition? What can be deleted so this needless repetition doesn't occur?
Do you see the broad statements that have no explanation? How can you fix this?
I don't know how to fix.
To me ,it is my best work .but i also know it is not best ,so thats y i submit .
Shan, the content of your paper is fine. I understand what you are writing about Gilgamesh and the others and how he progressed in his journey.
The errors I'm seeing are not major. They are what I call "clean up" errors, but they don't take away from the content of what you wrote.
I think you have done a good job, even if you don't think it's the best English!! Keep on writing; keep on practicing!
=)
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