Here is my thesis statement... arugment paper on should women be drafted? How is it?
For years women have pused for equal rights. They have acheived these goals and recived the right to vote. Historically, along with the right to vote comes the duty to serve. Women should be drefted on the account of equal treatment, need for nurses, and communicational workers.
1. It's too long.
Generally, a thesis statement is ONE statement -- ONE sentence.
2. It's too unfocused. Cut out the extraneous stuff, and rewrite.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Your thesis statement on whether women should be drafted is generally clear and focused. It presents the argument that women should be drafted based on three main points - equal treatment, the need for nurses, and the need for communication workers. Let's break down these points and the overall structure of your thesis statement:
1. Equal treatment: You argue that since women have fought for and achieved equal rights, being drafted would align with the principle of equal treatment. This point emphasizes the idea that if men are required to serve in the military, women should also be subjected to the same duty.
2. Need for nurses: This point suggests that women should be drafted because of the critical need for medical personnel, specifically nurses, in the military. By including this point, you highlight an area where women can contribute significantly in military operations.
3. Need for communication workers: Here, you mention the importance of communication workers in the military. By including this aspect, you imply that women can fulfill crucial roles in areas such as communication technology and intelligence gathering, thus making them valuable assets in the military.
Overall, your thesis statement makes a clear argument and provides three distinct points to support your claim. However, it's important to note that the strength of your argument will depend on the evidence and reasoning you provide in your essay. Make sure to include specific examples, counterarguments, and relevant research to support your position.
Remember, a thesis statement is meant to guide your paper and introduce your main argument. It should be precise, concise, and clear, which yours accomplishes. Good luck with your essay!