I'm writing an essay and I'm wondering which sentence is better to be used in an essay.

My teacher said that the sentence, "Sitting on his bed, Lamar sadly thought about his grandfather's death." is better than the sentence, "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing." But I don't understand why...

And now I have a question if I should use the sentence"Looking dejected, Juan slumped in the time-out chair by the class door" or "Juan sat on the chair by the door." on my essay. I guess the former one is better, right?

Please help out. Thank You.

Right.

The problem with this sentence is the interruption between the subject and the verb of the main clause:

"Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing."

If you had put the underlined part at the beginning of the sentence and then the rest of the sentence without interruption (Lamar flung himself...), it would have been fine.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm
See #8.

Which of these statements is true?

a)
Sensory details distract readers; therefore, writers should avoid using them.

b)
Sensory details show readers that the writer is a sensitive person.

c)
Sensory words make writing come alive because we understand the world through the five senses

In both cases, the first option is generally considered better for an essay. Let me explain why.

In the first sentence example, "Sitting on his bed, Lamar sadly thought about his grandfather's death," it is concise and direct. It provides a clear description of Lamar's actions and his emotional state. This sentence is more focused on conveying the specific emotions and thoughts of Lamar, without unnecessary embellishments. It maintains a smooth flow and allows the reader to comprehend the scene easily.

On the other hand, the second sentence example, "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing," includes more elaborate language and excessive description. While it vividly portrays Lamar's emotions, it may come across as overly dramatic or verbose for an essay. Essays generally aim for clarity and precision, so the first sentence is a better fit.

Regarding your second question, "Looking dejected, Juan slumped in the time-out chair by the class door" is indeed a stronger choice for an essay. It employs descriptive language to convey Juan's emotional state, allowing the reader to visualize his demeanor and feelings. This sentence also adds depth to the narrative, enhancing the overall impact of the essay.

In contrast, the second sentence, "Juan sat on the chair by the door," is quite plain and lacks the emotional aspect that can enhance the storytelling in an essay.

Remember, when choosing sentence structures for your essay, it is essential to consider the purpose of your writing and the desired tone. Concise, descriptive, and focused sentences tend to work best in most cases.