Posted by Nikol on Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 9:59am.
1. Your thesis is far too long and convoluted. You have included supporting details that need to occur in the body of your paper, but not in the thesis. Thesis statement = ONE sentence.
Education provides me with skills, knowledge, and, with dedication and perseverance, wisdom. It broadens my attitudes of acceptance of others who are different from me; it enhances my understandings of how the world really works; it provides the possibilities for growth and joy to my life. Education challenges me to become a productive and relevant member of my American Society.
Here are some sites that will help you with writing an effective thesis:
Pay attention to all 5 tips here; you are missing #3 completely.
Shows you how to take non-thesis-statements and make true thesis statements.
2. Full sentence outlines aren't that different from regular outlines. It's just that every point is put in terms of a full sentence instead of a phrase or a word or two.
Here is a really good example of a full-sentence outline.
Okay what about this for my thesis?
One of the greatest problems in American society today is a variation in the quality of education, dependent upon the wealth, or lack thereof, in particular areas.
Also when working on my outline o I need to write it in the format?
I Main Point
A Support 1
1. example 1
2. Example 2
Just want to make sure before I sit here and do this and not be correct.
Thanks Again for your input!!
That's a really good thesis statement! Good for you!! =)
And yes -- your outline needs to be in the format you indicated. This website gives you that format with the indentations (which never works here on Jiskha!):
The difference between this example and what you will write is that you will write sentences instead of phrases or words.
Let us know what you come up with!
Okay I think I have my sentence outline for you to take a look at. Please let me know if I am on the wrong path.
Thesis: One of the greatest problems in American society today is a variation in the quality of education, dependent upon the wealth, or lack thereof, in particular areas.
I. This problem is especially notorious in areas of destitution.
A. Lower standards for the schools in these poorer neighborhoods are another step in the cycle of poverty.
1. Without quality education many students will graduate while lacking basic skills.
2. Most will not go on to higher education.
B. I would advise the new president to provide federal funding to states with exceptionally impoverished communities.
1. The states would be able to disburse these funds to schools below standards.
2. This money would not only raise the quality of education, but it would produce graduates that are prepared for the real world.
II. Education in the United States is very crucial part in a personís life.
A. Going to school opens doors and facilities the pathway for future individual achievement and economic success.
1. Attending college usually increases a personís pay and job availability to them.
2. Having a successful life in the career you choose.
III. Education should be a priority in a personís life.
A. It allows you to do things that you are not able to do with out an education.
1. Education is the building block that makes America grow.
2. Education is what makes you to continue you to grow and mature.
In addition to what you've included, you also need a section to describe what happens in a high-wealth and maybe a medium-wealth school district. Your thesis implies a contrast, but you never address that aspect of your topic.
Also, you need to revise I.B. -- be aware that the federal govt already provides extra funding to low-wealth and underperforming schools and districts -- ESEA Title I, primarily.
http://education.vermont.gov/new/html/pgm_title1.html (This discusses the program in Vermont, but it's really in all states.)
The federal website.
There are also Title III and Title VII -- money for which districts or consortia can compete (write grant applications).
(As with all Wikipedia search results, be sure to check out all the external links and further references at the bottom of each Wikipedia page.)
You can get answers from uopaxiasolutions dot com for COM220 if you're interested.
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