Posted by Sara on .
Ms. Sue, I have one more A-Z story to go and this I had started on a while ago. I'm pretty sure there aren't that many punctuational or grammatical problems in here; I really don't want you to waste ur time looking through this, but if you can edit this story a little bit as well, then that would be very appreciating. Thank you for all your help:-)
A princess named Susan is about to get married to her chosen prince named Charles. Beatrice, Susan’s sister, also has a crush on Charles and does not want this wedding to occur. Charles is very rich and owns a mansion with over 50 servants working around everywhere. Damon on the other hand is Charles’s step-brother who has a big crush on Susan. Everything seemed to be twisted in the lives of these four. Five days were left till the wedding. Grandparents of Susan and Beatrice were very happy for Susan, that she would be getting married into such a big house. Heartbroken Beatrice was, she longed to be with Charles. “I shall marry Charles”, her conscience would say, but then again she had deep feelings for her sister and did not want to hurt her in any way. Jolly were Susan and Beatrice’s parents, they had bought expensive gifts to give away to all the guests that would be attending the wedding. Knots were beginning to develop within Beatrice’s stomach; she couldn’t control her emotions and ran into her room, slamming it shut by accident. Loyalty belonged within each member of this family, no one ever felt sad. Madison, one of the servants in the house, rushed into Beatrice’s room to see what was wrong. “Nothing is wrong”, Beatrice replied,” I’m fine”. “Oh don’t lie to me”, Madison shrieked. “Please tell me what’s wrong”. Quivering with fear, Beatrice spills out the truth to Madison, her close friend. Regretting on what she said, she begs Madison not to mention anything to anyone about it. Suddenly, Madison realizes that she had forgotten to shut the door, and as she and Beatrice turn to stare at it, they find all the family members listening to them. Tears started to spill out of Beatrice’s eyes; she was feeling very ashamed of herself. Unhappy were Beatrice and Madison, they couldn’t meet their eyes with all the family members. Very happy was Susan, she went up to Beatrice and told her how she and all the other family members already had known that she loved Charles. “We also received a call from Charles saying that this marriage couldn’t take place, because it was you who he had loved”, Susan exclaimed to Beatrice. Xylophones suddenly started to play and Charles made his way in the room with a rose. “Yes”, it’s true that I love you and it’s also true that today we will both be getting married, but along with Susan and my step-brother Damon. Zooming around with happiness, Damon came in and he told Beatrice how he told Susan he had loved her and how they eventually ended up in this bond of love.
Also have any ideas for a good title for this story?