Posted by Sara on Monday, May 3, 2010 at 9:05pm.
I have to write my cure for an "ill" that plague teenagers.
This one poem provides a good example of what I'm trying to do. I t is calles Scrawny's surfire ance cure. The plague in it was zits, and the cure it suggested was First apply a cloth dipped in hot water. The heat draws the gunk to a head and sterlizes the whole operation. Then when you got ready to pop pressa strip of adhesive tape on it and give it some time and more heat so it merges real good with the tape, then rip off the tape fast, and look ma no pimple-it's stuck onto the the tape and you've just got this little hole which you dab with another hot cloth. There is more to this poem. I grabbed this bit from the middle. I want mine to be funny and good as this one, but I'm not sure of what to add in to make it funny. The ill I have chosen is Lice.
Here is the poem, I've come up with:
The thing with lice is that it makes
your hair go all crazy, which makes
you look dumb enough. Ofcourse
there are some bugs in your hair
reproducing each minute. Your parents
probably think it's dandruff without
checking to make sure it isn't. Hearing
the word "Lice" may give some of you
the creeps and even nightmares.
But don't worry be happy. There are
no goons in your hair digging the ground deeper and deeper til you're
dead. Yeah I care less about such things, if they're not connected
with me. But I won't be so cruel
with you and am ready to share my secret on getting rid of lice. First things first, get some bug spray and spray it in your hair. It will get rid
of some of the lice. Then go
and search for dangerous looking spider. After finding one, put it
in the middle piece of your hair;
It will eat some of the bugs laying
in there. After that go and search
for some appropriate plant seeds. Put them in your hair and get ready
to dip a bucket of water on yourself.
After that go and stand in the sun for 24 h. Your hair will be shiny and smooth with no lice. If your head starts to itch again, ignore it thinking it's dandruff.
Finally, you've got to know my
secret people. Please know that
it works well only on the gifted ones.
Ofcourse, your hair may seem crazy
after a while, but you can
always make it better by repeating my
method to cure lice over and over.
Is this good? Please add anything else in here to make it funnier. I really don't have such a good sense of humour so couldn't really make this so amusing to read. Also what could be a good title for this. I had thought of Sara's secret Lice Cure, but it seems too simple, I want it to be cool. Any suggestions? Also please point out any grammatical errors. Thank you very much:-)
English - SraJMcGin, Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 10:02am
Is there a typo in the title: I t is calles Scrawny's surfire ance cure.?
Considering the subject matter, it's going to be difficult to make this funny! I doubt that it is your sense of humor at fault, but the subject matter itself? Since I like alliteration, the title might be something like: Lambast Lice. or Laugh at Lice. or Lest there is Lice. or Lousy Lice, etc.
Separate "Of course" = twice. Run-on sentence: "worry; be happy." (use semicolon) connected with or connected to? a dangerous-looking spider.
in the middle piece of your hair; = in the middle of the piece of hair
ignore it thinking = comma = ignore it, thinking
Is it direct address TO the people or do you have secret people? secret people. = secret, people
This is a case of "Don't try this at home!"
English - SraJMcGin, Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 10:03am
P.S. Sorry, I didn't read this lat night because it seemed to be addressed to Writeacher.
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