SraJMcGin, you are one good english tutor I see here right now, can you please help me with some of my English posts. Please. I'll posts them on here if you'd like. Thanks
Perhaps I have already seen them all?
Sra
Almosts there is still one more remaining and I'll post it onto here:
Please edit it if it needs to be edited. Thank you very much, and tell me if it s good.
Mr. Henry Axhelm
Math
Period 2, Room 107
I teach five classes a day,
Not students, just classes.
No sense getting involved
With their personal problems.
Nothing in their heads worth listening to, anyway.
They came here to socialise,
To see who's "cute."
So I put my x's and y's on the board
And keep my distance.
On Saturdays I like to fool around
With my ham radio set.
It's been my hobby for fifteen years.
I'm on the air for hours at a time.
It's nice to talk to people
Who are far away.
~By Mel Glenn
Make the Poem Come ALIVE- Write an Anonymous Note to the Teacher
Imagine that you are a student in Mr. Axhelm's class. You recognize that he is not happy with his job, that he is lonely and that he should be happier as a teacher if only he would change his attitude towards students.
There was a choice between 2 activities and I chose this one:
Write a note telling Mr. Axhelm how it feels to be a student in his class and how the experience compares with being a student in a class with an involved, interested teacher.
Here it is:
To: Mr. Axhelm
I remember the first time I entered your class and saw you. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to get to know you. I thought that more than a teacher you’d be my friend. You never did let that occur. Learning seems fun when the teacher looks interested in the topics and teaches the students step by step. If you don’t teach with amusement then it becomes really hard to focus and concentrate on what you are teaching. The way you teach doesn’t just bore all the students in here, in fact it must make you tired as well. All our boundaries aren’t that far away from you that we don’t want you to talk to us. We all want you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. Not just that, learning about you would be interesting as well. How will you ever get to know us your way? I suggest to you that you change your path from being unaccompanied to being jointed with us. I am able to understand the fact that you are a teacher, and that teaching about things is your job. Though, there are also other teachers in this school which don’t just teach about things, but also interact with their students. Interacting with others is all a part of life. By interacting with others you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there. There are many teachers here who always greet their students anxiously. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us. I always thought that every teacher would teach their students willingly; With you it seems pretty dull. There is a thing such as amusement. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it Mr. Axhelm. I don't know why you don't talk much, but please, if there's something bothering you, then please don't keep it hidden within. Your sorrow will get lessened if you share it with someone understanding. You can trust me Mr. Axhelm. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure his light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd Mr. Axhelm.
Live, Laugh, and Love
From, Sara
This is all one paragraph???
I remember the first time I entered your class and saw you. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to get to know you. I thought that more than a teacher you’d be my friend. You never did let that occur.
Learning seems fun when the teacher looks interested in the topics and teaches the students step by step. If you don’t teach with amusement then it becomes really hard to focus and concentrate on what you are teaching. The way you teach doesn’t just bore all the students in here, in fact it must make you tired as well.
All our boundaries aren’t that far away from you that we don’t want you to talk to us. We all want you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. Not just that, learning about you would be interesting as well. How will you ever get to know us your way? I suggest to you that you change your path from being unaccompanied to being jointed with us.
I am able to understand the fact that you are a teacher, and that teaching about things is your job. Though, there are also other teachers in this school which don’t just teach about things, but also interact with their students. Interacting with others is all a part of life. By interacting with others you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there.
There are many teachers here who always greet their students anxiously. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us. I always thought that every teacher would teach their students willingly; With you it seems pretty dull. There is a thing such as amusement. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it Mr. Axhelm.
I don't know why you don't talk much, but please, if there's something bothering you, then please don't keep it hidden within. Your sorrow will get lessened if you share it with someone understanding. You can trust me Mr. Axhelm. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure his light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd Mr. Axhelm.
Live, Laugh, and Love
Please help edit this:-(
I'd change all that stuff about wanting to be the teacher's friend (or the teacher should want to be your friend). Any decent teacher knows that's just NOT a good idea. That's not what a teacher is there for. How else can you re-do the first paragraph.
And I'm not sure the word "fun" is appropriate in the second paragraph. Are you in class to learn? Or to have fun? Perhaps you mean he should be teaching with a sense of humor at times, but really you do not want a comedian as your teacher!!
Also, there's a run-on at the end of the second paragraph.
The third paragraph has several misused words: boundaries, that, unaccompanied?? jointed???
Look for any other run-ons and fragments throughout the paper. There are others, and they need to be fixed.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
and
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm
Once you believe you have fixed everything, either read it aloud in front of a mirror or as someone else to read it aloud to you. Then re-post.
I remember the first time I entered your class and saw you. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to get to know you. I thought that as a teacher you would brighten up the day with your warm welcome to us.
Learning seems to be great when the teacher looks interested in the topics and teaches the students step by step. If you don’t teach us willingly then it becomes really hard to focus and concentrate on what you are teaching. Your teaching doesn’t just bore us students; in fact it must make you tired as well.
Please don’t think that we hate you Mr. Axhelm. We want to be able to like you, but you are not giving us a chance to. Every one of us in here wants you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. Moreover, getting to know about your background would be appreciating as well. How will you ever get to know us your way? I would really like to see your inner personality, and know the kind of person you are. My advice to you is that please teach us students keenly.
I am able to understand the fact that you’re a teacher, and that you’re only here to teach. Though, there are also other teachers here which teach and interact with their students. Interacting with others is all a part of life. By interacting with others you get to know them, and you don’t feel like a Stanger anymore.
There are some very nice teachers here who always greet their students anxiously. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us. It appears as if you come here for nothing; I don’t think you enjoy teaching your part. There is a thing such as humor Mr. Axhelm. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it. I’m not telling you to be funny every day, but a small tint of happiness you giving to us would be good.
I don't know why you aren’t so talkative, but if there's anything bothering you; then please try to wipe it away. You will forget all about your pain as soon as you start talking to us. Every one of us understands about the daily life problems each individual goes through. I’m not getting you to share your personal problems with us; I just don’t want them to come in the way of your job. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure this light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd Mr. Axhelm once you try to rise up high.
Is this better?
The first two paragraphs are much better although I fail to see the connection between being bored and being tired!!
Are you absolutely sure that you need to get to know the teacher? That the teacher needs to get to know students personally?
I'd refocus the 3rd-6th paragraphs so that you are asking the teacher to show his enthusiasm for his subject and by means of his own enthusiasm, make his students enthusiastic for learning, too. All this nonsense about getting to know teachers and students personally is totally not necessary.
Your teaching doesn’t just bore us students; in fact it must make fall in the same situation as us as well.
Please don’t think that we hate you Mr. Axhelm. We want to be able to like you, but you are not giving us a chance to. Every one of us in here wants you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. We want you to show some enthusiasm for the subjects you teach us. Your enthusiasm will make all of us feel enthusiastic for learning too. I am able to understand the fact that you’re a teacher, and that you’re only here to teach. Though, there are also other teachers here which teach and help their students with any problems they may be having. You don’t even bother to know if we actually get what you’re teaching. You always seem like a robotic teacher.
There are many teachers here who always greet their students as soon as they walk in class. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us when we walk in. It appears as if you come here for nothing; you never explain deeply about the topic you teach. You don’t even bother to go up to a student with their hand up, waiting for an answer. There is a thing such as humor Mr. Axhelm. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it. I’m not getting you to be a clown, but a small tint of happiness you giving to us would be good.
I don't know why you aren’t so talkative, but if there's anything bothering you; then please try to wipe it away. You will forget all about your pain as soon as you start talking to us. Every one of us understands about the daily life problems each individual goes through. I’m not getting you to share your personal problems with us; I just don’t want them to come in the way of your job. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure this light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd Mr. Axhelm once you try to rise up high.
This is a fragment:
"Though, there are also other teachers here which teach and help their students with any problems they may be having."
Aha! This is good!!
"You don’t even bother to know if we actually get what you’re teaching. You always seem like a robotic teacher."
Much, much better overall. Nice.