To My Valentine
More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.
I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.
As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.
I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.
I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're love by me.
Ogden Nash
I have to write a sixth verse to this poem using Nash's poem as a model.
It also says that I have to choose details from things that I find setestable.
I did two, and here they are. Please tell me which one sounds better, and I'll appreciate it if you could change sentences around, if they seem awkward. Any small changes will be appreciated, thanks a bunch:-)
Much more than a baby needs its mother
You’re loved by me. I bow down and touch your feet wholeheartedly.
The world can change, but my love for you will not. I crave for you more than food,
And love you more than a bullet can harm.
-spiders
-thunder and lightning
-dark
Much more than the clouds can roar
You’re loved by me. Through your eyes I experience light in the dark,
I love you as much as a plant needs water to grow, or (I love you as much as an astronaut needs Oxygen to go in space)-This seems a bit long; is there any other way to shorten it out?
And more than chickenpox can itch.(does it need to be, more than a chickenpox can itch?) Does a need to be inserted in this sentence?
Sorry, I posted this too fast, please leave the spiders, thunder and lightining and the dark out. I was trying to hink of things I find detestable, and was trying to gather some details from them. The first poem ends after harm, and the second one starts with Much. Thank you very much for all of your help:-)
to make 2 of them sh ort you could stop with "plant needs water" and "astronaut needs oxygen."
Sra
Thank you Sra:-)
Verse 1:
Much more than a baby needs its mother,
You’re loved by me. I bow down and touch your feet wholeheartedly.
The world can change, but my love for you will not waver,
I crave for you more than I crave for food's flavor,
And love you more than spiders make me shiver,
Or thunder and lightning that make me quiver,
Or the darkness that I find unsettling.
Verse 2:
Much more than the clouds can roar,
You’re loved by me. Through your eyes, light in the dark I explore,
I love you as much as a plant needs water to grow,
Or an astronaut needs oxygen to escape Earth's below,
And more than chickenpox can make me itch,
You're the one thing in my life that perfectly fits.
As for your question about shortening "I love you as much as an astronaut needs Oxygen to go in space," you may consider using a shorter phrase like "I love you as much as an astronaut needs oxygen in space" or "I love you as much as an astronaut needs space." And regarding "More than a chickenpox can itch," you can indeed omit the "a" for a smoother sentence flow.