posted by Sara on .
Could someone please edit this for me, and point out all grammatical errors. Thank you very much in return My assignment is connected to this poem and is down below. I made some changes as well.
Mr. Henry Axhelm
Period 2, Room 107
I teach five classes a day,
Not students, just classes.
No sense getting involved
With their personal problems.
Nothing in their heads worth listening to, anyway.
They came here to socialise,
To see who's "cute."
So I put my x's and y's on the board
And keep my distance.
On Saturdays I like to fool around
With my ham radio set.
It's been my hobby for fifteen years.
I'm on the air for hours at a time.
It's nice to talk to people
Who are far away.
~By Mel Glenn
Make the Poem Come ALIVE- Write an Anonymous Note to the Teacher
Imagine that you are a student in Mr. Axhelm's class. You recognize that he is not happy with his job, that he is lonely and that he should be happier as a teacher if only he would change his attitude towards students.
There was a choice between 2 activities and I chose this one:
Write a note telling Mr. Axhelm how it feels to be a student in his class and how the experience compares with being a student in a class with an involved, interested teacher.
Here it is:
To: Mr. Axhelm
I remember the first time I entered your class and saw you. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to get to know you. I thought that more than a teacher you’d be my friend. You never did let that occur. Learning seems fun when the teacher looks interested in the topics and teaches the students step by step. If you don’t teach with amusement then it becomes really hard to focus and concentrate on what you are teaching. The way you teach doesn’t just bore all the students in here, in fact it must make you tired as well. All our boundaries aren’t that far away from you that we don’t want you to talk to us. We all want you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. Not just that, learning about you would be interesting as well. How will you ever get to know us your way? I suggest to you that you change your path from being unaccompanied to being jointed with us. I am able to understand the fact that you are a teacher, and that teaching about things is your job. Though, there are also other teachers in this school which don’t just teach about things, but also interact with their students. Interacting with others is all a part of life. By interacting with others you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there. There are many teachers here who always greet their students anxiously. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us. I always thought that every teacher would teach their students willingly; With you it seems pretty dull. There is a thing such as amusement. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it Mr. Axhelm. I don't know why you don't talk much, but please, if there's something bothering you, then please don't keep it hidden within. Your sorrow will get lessened if you share it with someone understanding. You can trust me Mr. Axhelm. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure his light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd Mr. Axhelm.
Live, Laugh, and Love
put more vivid verbs