Is this a good thesis statement or is it too broad with the 4th Amendment part ?
Should i Cut it out ?
An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: accepting methods like drug testing before and after games or taking a athletes urine sample is also invasion of privacy according to the IV Amendement of the US Constitution.
I think it sounds fine truley!
Your thesis statement is too long and broad.
Check these sites for tips for writing thesis statements.
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/thesis.html
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/01/
So should I say .
An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: drug testing before and after games hasn't changed the number of athletes who secretively use the type of steroids which cannot be detected.
That's o.k. I assume your paper will explore the secret use of steroids that cannot be detected.
Hmm! What evidence do you have that that's true?
Well Growth Hormones have become relatively hard to detect because we make them within our bodies.
which is what I found out through research
Originally I was trying to find out what is the better method to prevent steroids in sports because I already had many sources which have researched the different approaches to discouraging using steroids...
but I just did not know how to word it..
As a result I came out with various arguments
..
The thesis statement you provided touches on the topic of banning steroids in sports and raises the question of whether certain methods, such as drug testing and urine samples, can be considered an invasion of privacy according to the 4th Amendment of the US Constitution.
Whether this thesis statement is too broad depends on the scope and focus of your analysis. If you are planning to explore various methods to ban steroids in sports and specifically examine the potential invasion of privacy related to drug testing and urine samples, then including the reference to the 4th Amendment is relevant.
However, if your analysis primarily focuses on the methods to ban steroids in sports without delving deeply into the potential invasion of privacy based on constitutional law, then it might be more appropriate to revise the thesis statement by removing the reference to the 4th Amendment.
Ultimately, the decision to cut it out should be based on the specific direction and emphasis of your analysis.