I am still working on this poem. And I'd like to know ur opinion about it. Its a magic box poem.
The magic box
I will put in the box
Hugs and kisses from my family
The daylight brought from the sun and
My parent’s blessings
I will put in the box
The teardrop of my eye
The first smiles of my baby brothers
The classical music playing in my heart
I will put into the box
My cousin’s dimples
The cold breeze blowing in the air
And memories from the past
I wanted to make it sophisticated full of imagination. Other ideas would be appreciated, thanks.
Sara -- you're a much better poet than I ever hope to be.
Your poem is great!
thank you Ms. Sue. I'll work on it overnight to make it better.
As they say: There's always room for improvements
Sure! I'd be happy to provide feedback on your poem. It's a lovely start to your magic box poem. You have successfully conveyed a sense of warmth and love in the items you've chosen to put in the box. The inclusion of hugs and kisses from your family, the daylight from the sun, and your parents' blessings creates a strong emotional connection.
To further enhance the sophistication and imagination of your poem, you can consider incorporating some vivid and unique imagery. This will help the reader visually experience the magic within the box. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Consider adding a metaphor or simile to describe some of the items you're putting in the box. For example, instead of just mentioning tears, you could describe them as "glistening crystal drops" or "pearls of emotions."
2. Experiment with unexpected or unconventional items to include in the box. This can add an element of surprise and intrigue to your poem. For instance, you might include the whispers of forgotten dreams or the laughter of lost friends.
3. Play with the rhythm and structure of your poem. Experiment with different line lengths or enjambments to create a musical flow. You've already mentioned "classical music playing in your heart," so incorporating rhythm into your poem can reinforce that idea.
4. Consider adding some sensory details to evoke a stronger emotional response. For instance, you can describe the feeling of the cold breeze blowing in the air as it "whispers through the trees" or the aroma of your grandmother's freshly baked cookies.
Remember, poetry is an expression of your own creativity and emotions, so follow your intuition and let your imagination guide you. Happy writing!