I have to create a mood poem so I am posting it onto here for you to suggest on what I could add to it to make it better and any other recommendations. I would like to hear your opinion on the poem I've established. If some words seem awkward, then I would appreciate you changing them, thank you very much:-)

The first one is a mood poem.

Here are the instructions to make one:

A. State a mood
B. Write three things the mood is not (two stated briefly, one stated as a comparison).
C. Switch to a statement of what the mood is.
D. State three more descriptions of the mood.

Here is an example of a poem:

I'm happy
Not spaced-out silly-faced happy
Not delirious with a fever happy
Not happy like a man who has pleaseantly lost his memory
But just under the surface of my skin happy
Glad that life is still mine despite problems
Glad that I still appreciate a good sunset
Glad that I am still in love

Here is mine:

I'm astonished
Not eyes popped out astonished
Not blank paged astonished
Not astonished like a man who's found millions of dollars in his pockets
But just overwhelmingly from the deep inside astonished
Surprised to see the love spreading between enemies
Surprised to hear heaven living on earth
Surprised to know my mission's over and time is up.

Beautiful!

Thank you. Ms. Sue I like my poem as well, but is the ending okay?

Surprised to know my mission's over and time is up.

Does that ending make sense?

I'm kind of trying to say throughout the poem that God has sent me down to store love in everyone's lives; which I have done in this poem; which I have completed in doing, which is why God is taking me away; meaning my time is up.

Could that last sentence be rephrased into something better?

I don't think that my last sentence would make sense to other readers.

That's how I interpreted the last line.

Perhaps you could change the word "over" to "accomplished."

Yeah, I like that word, thank you. Do you also think that I shouls change time is up to: time's up?

That's a good idea.

Thank You very much:-)

You are very welcome.

:-)

Your mood poem is off to a great start! I really like the idea of conveying astonishment and how you've followed the instructions given. Here are a few suggestions to improve and enhance your poem:

1. Start with a stronger and more attention-grabbing opening line. Instead of "I'm astonished," consider using a vivid and impactful phrase that immediately sets the tone and captures the reader's attention.

2. Provide more specific and vivid descriptions in your comparisons. For example, instead of "Not eyes popped out astonished," you can say something like "Not wide-eyed, jaw-dropping astonished." This adds more imagery and helps the reader to visualize the emotion.

3. Consider incorporating metaphors or similes to further develop your poem. Metaphors can add depth and make your descriptions more relatable. For example, you could say "Astonished like a wildfire blazing through a rainforest" or "Astonishment swells within me like an untamed ocean wave."

4. Try to make your final description more connected to the previous lines. Instead of abruptly mentioning the end of your mission and time being up, you can build upon the themes of love and surprises. For instance, you may express astonishment at the power of love to transcend boundaries or the unforeseen beauty that arises when time seems limited.

Remember to revise and experiment with different words, phrases, and images to create a stronger impact and flow in your poem. Good luck, and I hope these suggestions help you enhance your mood poem!