posted by Franco on .
Thank you very much for your last corrections. Can you please help me find better words to assess these other paragraph? Thank you very much in advance!
1) You have often strayed from the point. Actually, you have introduced a lot of themes you hadn’t been asked for. Bear also in mind each of your paragraphs must contain a maximum of 10 lines! (Is there a better way to express it?)
2) Your paragraphs are fairly good (very good) as far as the content is concerned though the style (or form?) is not always accurate. Some words are mispelt and the word choice is in a few cases wrong (inadequate?). A sentence does not make sense at all and needs to be reformulated. (?)
You continue misspelling the relative pronoun “which”. Can you please remember once and for all that “which” is a wh-pronoun?
3 ) Avoid jumping from one topic to another without attempting to join them. (How can I express this concept: “ you start dealing with a topic then you go on mentioning another and finally you go back to your previous topic adding more details?) Your paragraphs lack cohesion??
4) Can you suggest to me a good site where I can find ideas on how to summarise mistakes in a paragraph (or better assess paragraphs?)
5) Beowulf is the protagonist of the Anglo-Saxon epic poem with the same name. (is “with” correct”?)
6) In the scene of the battle Beowulf represents the good fighting against pure evil.
7 ) Formulas are very widely used (but not "very" used) in an epic poem.
Latin was spoken/used (are both correct?) as the language of learning.
1. Because of "have often strayed" (Present Perfect Tense) I would also say "you haven't been asked" (for a parallel construction). Keep in mind...
2. either fairly or very? I prefer "style" "Misspelt" = I love it! "inadequate" is superior...A sentence or One?
3. join = connect? Perhaps "focus on one topic before shifting to another?"
4. A rubric? How to write effective paragraphs? = http://www.brighthub.com/education/k-12/articles/10953.aspx or (you didn't ask for the following but you might find it handy later: Academic Tip Sheets = http://www.ecu.edu.au/CLT/tips/) Going back to "rubric," here is a search:
Since you sounded a bit "cross" over the misspelling of "which" I couldn't help but mention what I did with constant errors. I made what a called the "Hit List" with all the mistakes I could no longer tolerate. The students had the opportunity to hand their paper to as many "proofreaders" as they wished; each proofreader would put initials at the bottom of the paper. Some became excellent "proofreaders" because it's a LOT more fun to find errors on someone else's papers - - - not on our own! All those errors were "freebies" but once the paper came to me, the grade went down, based on the number of errors I found. It didn't take long until I saw those errors on the Hit List no more!
If you still don't have what you were expecting, feel free to repost.
5. "with" is correct and "of the poem" could also be "in the poem?"
6. Reading this, I personally like a comma after "battle" to avoid thinking the name of the battle is "Beowulf."
7. Correct, not "very used" = both are correct with respect to Latin but don't forget "written?"
Sra (aka Mme)