posted by Franco on .
Thank you very, very much for your last corrections! Can you tell me if the following expressions are possible and therefore correct?
1) When approaching/charging the dragon, Beowulf raised his shield and drew his sword. Differently, in contrast, (can you suggest to me other sentence connectors stressing a contrast?), the dragon coiled itself and spat fire (,instead at the end is also possible?)
2) In order to/so as to kill the fire-breathing dragon Beowulf raised his towering shield.
3) In “Beowulf” there are many kennings to describe both Beowulf and the fire-breathing monster (many kennings are used/ occur to describe ….) are all the expressions possible?
4) Both are descendents of a human being (Cain).
5) Trade improved thanks to the guilds, associations of tradesmen and artisans (Can you also say “trade was improved by the guilds?”)
6) The dragon seized Beowulf’s neck between his poisonous fangs.
7) Your conclusion must be drawn on the basis of what you have written before. You can’t start a sentence with “in conclusion” and then add a new point.
8) The sword struck the dragon less strongly (can you replace it with “powerfully”?) than required.
9) Beowulf and the dragon represent the good and the evil (or “good” and “evil” without definite article) respectively. Can you say “Beowulf is the symbol of good whereas the dragon that of evil?”
10) Those peasants who survive the black death became richer because they were able to ask for (demand?) payment for work done on their lord’s land.
1. Not being absolutely clear on what you'd like, you might try the following:
9. It reads better without the definite articles. At the end, it is not clear without repeating "the symbol" OR whereas the dragon represents evil
10. With the other verbs in the past tense, be sure to change "survive" to "survived."