posted by Ruth on .
By the way. The sentences seem long because your box is not long enough.
Thesis:If you do not know the impact of the Industrial revolution, you will not understand anything in this essay. This topic is very good to study because you know about the different views. The Industrial Revolution changed Britain and if it did not happen Britain would not have great technological advances of the 20th century.
II. BODY PARAGRAPH 1:
Opening Sentence:The Industrial Revolution was a period from the eighteenth to the nineteenth century where major changes happened.
Detail: in agriculture, manufacturing, mining and transport had a massive effect on the social, economic and cultural conditions starting in the United Kingdom.
Transition/Opening Sentence:____Before the Industrial Revolution Britain was a different place to what it is today.
Detail 1:_ It was very hard to keep in touch with people in other parts of the country. News was spread by travellers or through messengers goods.
Detail 2:__It was hard to move around, there were no cars, buses or aeroplanes
Detail 3:. Food was produced locally, agriculture could provide for but a few towns. Clothing was also made locally.
V. BODY PARAGRAPH IV:
Transition/Opening Sentence:During the Industrial revolution, changes were made but not every area changed
Detail 1:As factories spread rapidly the owners of mills, mines and other forms of industry needed large numbers of workers and they didn't want to have to pay them a high wage
Detail 2:_Children were the ideal employees therefore! They were cheap, weren't big nough or educated enoguh to argue or complain and were small enough to fit between tight fitting machinery that adults couldn't get between
Detail 3:There was no restriction on the age of workers, nor on the number of hours that they could work. This led to children as young as 8 or 9 being required to work 12 or more hours a day.
There were several changes before and after the Industrial revolution. The changes were positive and negative. Some areas did not change.
Before (not yet a thesis statement):
If you do not know the impact of the Industrial revolution, you will not understand anything in this essay. This topic is very good to study because you know about the different views. The Industrial Revolution changed Britain and if it did not happen Britain would not have great technological advances of the 20th century.
After (thesis statement):
The Industrial Revolution changed Britain for the better and led directly to great technological advances of the 20th and 21st centuries.
The rest of what you wrote and called a thesis statement needs to be deleted. Then ... write an introduction in such a way that your thesis statement (notice it's singular, ONE sentence) is the last sentence in the introductory paragraph.
Note: Do not use "I" or "you" or any of these pronouns' forms in your paper -- anywhere!