Posted by Thara! on Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 7:22pm.
"can u edit this small paragraph plz? thnx!"
You made a LOT of mistakes in your question alone and the subject of the message. Be more careful.
"Have you ever thought of your goals and skills that you would like to improve."
Isn't this a question?
"There are 3 skills that I want to improve this semester. They are communication, problem solving, and time-management."
This could be more concise by combining the 2 sentences into one and using a colon.
"Communication skills happen to be one of the most important skills required in business. Because with this skill, I can explain my ideas and feelings, listen and ask questions, and also seek information from others."
1) You started a sentence with a conjunction. It is arguable as to whether this is accepted, but if you are looking to impress people with your communication skills, do not do it. It is often considered poor form by most people.
2) You don't "listen questions."
3) The word "also" is very unnecessary.
4) Saying something "happens to be" something automatically sounds very weak.
"Problem-solving skills help you survive in business. Having this skill, you can identify problems in different points of view and consider different solutions."
In the first sentence, you said there are many skills. In the second sentence, you said it is only one. Which one is it?
"Time-Management skills help prevent stress which can help you gain respect from the people around you."
Why would you want to prevent something that can help you gain respect? (I know that's not what you meant, but it's what you said)
" This skill"
Again. You switched from plural to singular.
" can help avoid procrastination and help achieve your goals."
You need to put who it helps avoid procrastinating and achieving your goals. Try "can help you avoid procrastination and help you achieve your goals."
Another thought, is this about you or someone else? You mentioned things YOU want to achieve and now you're telling me what *I* can achieve.
"In my opinion these are the three skills I would like to improve in order to succeed in my future career/workplace. "
Never finish something by beginning with "in my opinion."
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