Your introductory paragraph needs to contain more than two sentences.
Check this site and if you still need help, please repost.
(Today the price of gasoline is at record high, which brings the question of whether or not the U.S. should start drilling more onshore or offshore. In order to bring now jobs on the market, and lessen the burden of high gas price on the population the U.S. should allow more offshore drilling and make sure that alternative source of energy are implemented into the new energy policy.)
This is FAR too long to be a thesis statement. If you'll rewrite that into ONE SENTENCE, in which you give the topic and your opinion about that topic, you'll be closer.
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
Just remember: your thesis statement must include factual information plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
if its urs how would u fix this??
Make it more concise:
The U.S. should allow more offshore drilling and make sure that alternative source of energy are implemented into the new energy policy.
All the rest of the information you have can be used in your whole introduction and explained in detail in the body of your paper.
Remember to follow the entire writing process, or you could find yourself very much off track! DO NOT start a paper by trying to write the introductory paragraph first!!
Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement
Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.
Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)
Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.
Let us know.
alternative sources of energy
("sources" should be plural)