The atmosphere around me was really daunting.

As I stepped , ice below my feet crunched. I could hear howls and groans somewhere very near. I could smell mold and stale t o b a c c o. The air wasn't crisp and clean either, it was stale. I opened the hard frozened gate and made my way towards the house. I could feel the sweat going down my back. I was cold and yet sweating. A dead tree in front of the house was staring right at me. Dark shadows began to surround me, I was scared. I looked up and saw that it was just the thunderclouds in the dark blue sky. Before I entered in the house, I looked in the window to check to see if it was safe. It sure didn't look like it. There were cobwebs everywhere. I touched the dusty door handle, and went right in. There was murky darkness everywhere. I couldn't turn back yet, there was something here. Something attractive. I went upstairs and saw black mold on the faded wallpaper. There it was, right on the shelf, a picture, and I couldn't see it very clearly, it was too dark. I decided to go back outside to identify the picture. As I made my way downstairs, I forgot which door I came out from. There were two doors, one to the right of me, and one to the left. They both looked very similar, very slimy. I picked the left door, and made my way towards it. I opened it up, and saw something. There was a grave in the yard. I went towards it and saw words that read my name. This was impossible, this couldn't be. Just then I remembered about the picture. I looked at it and saw myself. The picture flew right out of my hand and landed by the grave. I was trying to run away but couldn't. I was being sucked into the grave....

Ms. Sue could you please edit this and give me any suggestions you have in mind, please and thank you. I really need them :-)

could you please add adjectives around my paragraph somewhere, I don't think i have enough adjectives

Oh. Ms. Sue I totally forgot. I have to put comparisons in here somewhere as well. I want to put this one somewhere: The floorboards sighed like an old man wheezing. Laughter of children now replaced by the sighs of their ghosts and : Water was dripping from a faucet like ??

I can't find any spot to locate them in:-(

I don't know what grade you're in, but this looks like an A paper to me! Personally, I think you have enough adjectives, but if your teacher wants more, then go back and look at every adjective to see if it needs an adjective to make it clearer or more precise.

water was dripping from the roof on me. It seemed like I was having a dirty shower. Would this be a comparison?

I'm in grade 9.

Could I change this sentence to this: I was being sucked into the grave....

OR

I was being sucked into my own grave...

Water was dripping from a faucet keeping time with my thudding heart.

From the roof, water was dripping down my neck like a conspiracy of evil icicles.

WoW, I like those, thanks Ms. Sue. :-)

You're welcome, Sara. Hope this gets you an A.