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English

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Thank you very much for your last corrections!
Can you please check these other ten paragraphs for me?
1)One day a man in a sport car approached a bend at top speed. He lost control of the vehicle, which jumped over a fence and fell into the river below.
2)Two hours later, a passer-by saw the car floating in the river and called a tow truck (?). Late in the evening there were able to take the man out of the car and bring him to the hospital.
3)Though he had lost conscience, he hadn’t hurt himself.
4)As soon as he came around, he was discharged from hospital.
5) This accident happened to my dog a few years ago. He was hungry as I forgot to feed him before going to work. Instead of lying in his dog’s bed as usual, he went into my neighbour’s garden. He saw some chicks in the pen house and decided to jump and eat them.
6) Unfortunately, as soon as he devoured them all, my neighbour arrived and caught him out. My neighbour flew into a rage. Then, he came to my house and expected me to buy new chicks. ( can I also say “to refund him”? )
7)A few years ago, while we were having an English class, something incredible happened to me.
While the teacher was explaining, we heard a loud noise all of a sudden.
8) Some of us (can you say a part of us?) got frightened by the sudden noise, whereas others were very amused. We looked up (Can you say looked at the ceiling?) and realized that the light bulb had blown. (Can you say “ it was a broken light bulb”?)
9)The teacher was very frightened because he saw all the blown glass of the bulb and came with us (?).
10) Then, he began to shout “Everybody under the desks”. After a few minutes, and above all safe and sound, we returned sadly to our English class.

  • English - ,

    #1 sports car

    #2 Later...

    #3 consciousness (not conscious)

    #4 the hospital

    #5 delete "jump and"

    #6 -- Either leave the wording as is or write "reimburse him."

    #7, 8, 9 -- fine; delete all in parentheses

    #10 delete comma after "Then" -- delete "and above all" and insert "when everyone was"

  • English - ,

    #2...They were able

    #5...."hen house" not pen house
    #6. you don't need "out" at the end of the sentence. No, "refund him" is not specific enough.

    #7. We suddenly heard. Suddenly modifies the verb and needs to be near it for clarity.

    #8. No, you can't use "Part of us" that could mean an arm or a leg...<G>
    "were frightened" is better than "got frightened".

    You may use "looked at the ceiling", but I think "looked up" is better. No, you can't say "broken light bulb".... you may say "we saw that the light bulb had exploded".

    #9. This one doesn't make sense at all.

    #10. comma before quotation.
    The next sentence doesn't make sense.
    Why 'sadly'? I would think all of the students would have been sneakily snickering.

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