posted by Sara on .
I have to do a descriptive paragraph and here are the directions:
I can write a descriptive paragraph on either a place I like or an imaginary place.-I picked imaginary
1. First sentence begins with an adjective
2.2nd sentence begins with an adjective
3.3rd sentence begins with an adjective
4...begins with a phrase
5...begins with the word WHEN
6...begins with the words, THE ONLY
7...begins with a word ending in ING
Here is an example: Towering trees surround the sides of my tree fort. Forest sounds sing me to sleep when I stay the night in my favourite place. Occasionally, when the moon is out, I hear the movement of animals in the brush. In a flash I'm awake and sitting up. When the noise ceases, I can sleep again. The only time I can't go back to sleep is when the coyotes laugh at me from the hills behind our property, Laughing coyotes can make any kid's mind play tricks.
Here is mine:
Large gates open as I step. Colourful birds appear and they hand me a gift. Sweetly, they follow and guard me from danger. In the count of three, I get powers to fly. When, I want to go home, the birds lead the way. The only thing I miss, when I come here is, my family. Thinking about them, I disappear from this world and come home.
Can you please improve this a bit. Some parts in here seem awkward. All your help will be appreciated, thanks
Third sentence: "sweetly" is an adverb, not an adjective.
Everything else looks great!
I love your imagination! :-)
I just realized that in the sample paragraph, the third sentence begins with an adverb. Perhap you miscopied the directions?
Thanks, and yes, I miscopied the 3rd direction. Is this a phrase: In the count of three. Could I change it to: to the count of three. Also, could I change "world" to here, what's another synonym for here?
Another, perhaps better phrase, would be "At the count of three."
Instead of "world" or "here," how about garden or magical paradise?
Yeah, that sounds much better, thank you :-)