posted by deborah on .
could you tell me if i can use this as a descriptive paragraph.
My loyal friend Mary Ellen is 48 years old with shoulder length black hair, and dark brown eyes. Mary Ellen works full time as an RPN in a nursing home taking care of lots of elderly people. We went on a trip to the Dominican together in 2009, there we had lots of fun and discovered new experiences that we had never encountered. Her other likes are darts, chicken, and spending time with her daughter Skye. Our children always play together at either of our houses, or at the park where there is alot for the energetic kids can loose some of their energy. During this time we catch up on those lonely days we don't spend our quality time with each other. I look up to her as a big sister and hope to expand my education to be just like her one day.
Yes, that is definitely descriptive.
is the punctuation good or does this need to be revised?
No comma between "hair" and "and" in the first sentence.
Semi-colon after 2009
This is a run-on sentence and needs rephrasing. Use "a place for the...."
" kids to lose some...."
Our children always play together at either of our houses, or at the park where there is alot for the energetic kids can loose some of their energy.
where am i replacing the words " a place for" ?
or at the park, a place where the kids can lose some of their energy.
And get rid of "where there is alot for the energenic" ?
or do i just leave the sentence