Homework Help: English-Help

Posted by Sara on Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 11:05pm.

I’m doing another fairytale thing, but this time it’s not a “fairytale”, it’s a kid’s book. I think this is a bit long, so I need help shortening it out. I want to have 6 Para’s instead of 7. Also I don’t really like the plan I made up, your assistance on this would be appreciated, thanks. P.S- I don’t mind you changing the story up a bit.

Once upon a time in a faraway island named Flutter island lived Kelly the butterfly and her friends. Her friends were Chloe, Erik, and Jim. They always played together. (Would with each other be fine?)

Then one day as they were playing hide and go seek a large snake appeared. That snake was going to destroy Flutter Island with his team of other snakes.

Kelly did not want this to happen and decided to do something. She thought of a plan with her friends and decided to work it out.

Kelly and her friends brought out all the butterflies living in Flutter Island to face to face with the snakes.

After seeing the wicked snakes, they all got scared. Kelly knew she had something in her which no one else had. Kelly had magic powers.

Kelly used her magic powers to destroy all the snakes. Her magic powers worked.

Flutter Island was saved from danger. Everyone thanked Kelly. They all decided to make Kelly the princess of Flutter Island. Kelly was very happy. They all lived happily ever after.

English-Help - bobpursley, Friday, January 8, 2010 at 12:56am
Here is my suggestions for what it is worth:

Once upon a time in the faraway place of Flutter Island lived some butterflies: Kelly, and her friends.
Kelly's friends were Chloe, Erik, and Jim.

Then one day as they were playing, a mean snake appeared. That snake was going to destroy Flutter Island with the other snakes.

Kelly did not want this to happen and decided to do something. She thought of a plan with her friends and decided to work it out.

Kelly and her friends brought out all the butterflies living in Flutter Island to meet with the snakes.

After seeing the wicked snakes, the butterflies were scared. Kelly knew she had some magical powers, which none of the others had. Kelly used her magic powers to destroy all the snakes.

Flutter Island was saved from danger. The butterflies decided to make Kelly the Princess of Flutter Island. They all lived happily ever after.

Keys to writing for beginning readers is to have short sentences, with easy to pronounce words (they read aloud), and no inferences suggested in the text.

With a contributing artist, you could sell this.

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