Posted by Shane on Saturday, December 26, 2009 at 12:28pm.
Is this essay basically a summary or a critical lens essay?
I think its sort of like an analysis essay, like what led to each death, and how one death lead to another death. My teacher doesn't really specify and didn't give me a rubrik either, she's very unprofessional.
Okay, I understand lol some teachers are like that but all we can do is just make the best of it.
If it's an analysis essay then I wouldn't do a summary on the book but rather explain it and analzye it to detail. I notice you did that for the first paragraph which i guess is your introduction and you did a good job on that and now your body paragraphs should just prove your thesis. But just conclude to your thesis by stating this is one of the major effects. But otherwise, good job on this. Good luck
By the way, how many paragraphs do you have to do for this assignment?
I have to do 5 paragraphs, and let me see If I understand what you are telling which is that my intro was good but my body para. sucked, if so then I agree. Thing is I do not know how I would go about analyzing it without telling the story. BTW, my thesis is the last sentence in the intro para. did you pick up on that? If so would you think my second paragraph did a decent job explaining the thesis. If not then what did you think of the second para.
Ok, i suggest making an outline for this.
II. Body Paragraphs
Decide how you want to do your body paragraphs by putting examples of characters and their actions
Priscilla is absolutely right.
My suggestion for what to put in those body paragraphs is the deaths of certain characters -- NOT in chronological order.
Post YOUR outline with details once you figure it out, and someone here will be happy to check it for you.
I would include the first and second paragraph together since it's about the same character. At least use two or three characters and explain their actions as to how it led to their actions.
You can just expand on your first body paragraph and include a third paragraph on a different character's actions.
I can't talk about certain deaths because I have to talk about how one death led to another, in other words my main point has to be the domino effect, and I can't show my point with just certain deaths.
Here's how i originally planned my essay:
body para. 1- Polonius death and it being the start of the domino effect.
body para. 2- Ophelia's death, R & G's death both happen because of Polonius's death so I though I would mention them in one para.
body para. 3- All the rest of the deaths occur in one scene, and so I would finish of the last para. with finishing off the domino effect, and so i would have 3 body para. done.
conclusion- this would be tough as I believe it will be really weak and i want to finish off strong, but I'll worry about it a little later.
Okay, I understand now. You have a good outline there for five paragraphs.
Now back to your introduction. I would avoid starting sentences with because. Instead for your thesis, change the word because.
Because some of the characters were hiding something it resulted in one murder after another, demonstrating the domino effect.
Although, some of the characters were hiding something it resulted in one murder after another, demonstrating the domino effect.
Basically, the characters were being secretive and mysterious. It's hard to read people's minds.
- Use smoother transitions. For example, "The author" "Author's name" shows or proves or deliberately shows their characters/events a certain way.
- Expand more on this
For ex i saw you use a quote which is great but explain your quote more by stating the type of character he is by using characterization. You can also imply hiding secrets is not good because sooner or later it will come out worser.
For second paragraph
--> I like your second paragraph but you have to analyze/explain a little more.
--> Stating effects of the characters keeping secrets.
Well I made some quick changes and I also made a lot of changes 2-3 hours ago, and didn't make a lot of new changes cause I felt lazy, anyway what do u think improved and what do u think is really crucial that i change?
In Hamlet, death is seen throughout the play, and is one of the primary themes. It was the death of Hamlet’s father and knowing he was murdered which causes Hamlet to seek revenge. As a result, this initiates one killing after another, thus starting a chain reaction. The reason each killing occurs is because most of the characters are hiding something. It is the secrecy that triggers the actions in the play. As a consequence of some of the characters hiding something it resulted in one murder after another, demonstrating the domino effect.
At first, Polonius was hiding behind the curtains and this concealment resulted in his death and thus initiating the chain reaction. It was Hamlet’s act that resulted in Polonius being stabbed to death by him. For instance, Hamlet says, “I took thee for thy better. Take thy fortune.”(3.4.33) Hamlet shows no regret for his actions, and clearly proving that secrecy does lead to actions, as hiding behind the curtains cost Polonius his life. His death was the start of the domino effect and set the stage for more deaths to come.
The chain reaction continues as Ophelia, along with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern die as a consequence of the death of Polonius. Because Polonius was dead, Ophelia went insane and consequently committed suicide. Additionally, Polonius' death led to the death of Hamlet's disloyal friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern because Claudius sent them with Hamlet to England to have him killed. Their death was a result of Hamlet deciding upon punishing them for betraying his trust and pretending to be his friend. "Why, man, they did make love to this employment. They are not near my conscience. Their defeat does by their own insinuation grow."(5.2.61-63) In this quote, Hamlet stated they deserved to die, and felt no guilt since they betrayed his trust. As well, he felt they asked for it when they decided to meddle in his path. As a result of their death, more planning required killing Hamlet and thus the chain reaction continues, in which more deaths would come.
BTW, priscilla can I talk with you tomorrow, I'm preety tired. If you're here tomorrow at the same time as today, that'd be great.
PS. Just curious, how old are you?
Ok yea sure. Tommorow afternoon ill be around here.
P.s. 11th grader here, 16.
This is weird cause you're in the grade 12 area. Are you really good at english, is that the reason you're helping me?
yea, im in ap english. But i do comparative essays.
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