posted by jake on .
i need this body paragraph edited please
Various people believe that the building of an empire provides secure natural resources due to taking over territories owned by other countries. This ultra-nationalism can actually create a war due to an attempt of trying to take over another country, meaning that you lose resources in fighting a war. An example of how building an empire can lead to a war is Germany's attempt on taking over Europe. Nazi Germany started to build an empire in an attempt to be a world power. After Germany invaded Poland, both France and Britain declared war on Germany. Many lives were taken and resources were depleted on both sides of the war. Another example of how the building of empires can lead to war is when two neighbor countries are building an empire. These two countries could get into a war if there expansion plan contained similar territories, neither side of these two ultra-nationalistic state would want to give up land to another, since they are both trying to build an empire.
An example of how building an empire can lead to a war is Germany's attempt on taking over Europe --> Germany's attempt to take over Europs is an example of how building an empire can lead to war.
When two neighbor countries try to build an empire, their expansion plans could contain similar territories. Neither side of these two ultra-nationalistic state would want to give up land to another.
Just change up some of the sentences. You're repeating and stating facts in the same manner over and over. Change your sentence structures. :)