here's the journal response:
I know a lady who is one of the best cookds that I have ever met; but the first time I saw her, I did not think that she could cook to save her life. The reason I thought this was because she appeared so different thatn the image I have of a lady that cooks. I would imagine a typical housewife, who only cooked and cleaned all day; someone who would have a messy appearance but would be hardworking. When I saw this lady, she was wearing very nice and clean clothes, she had the most expensive clothing and jewelry on, and she said she mostly stays out of the hosue because she loves to shop. But the day she invited me to her house, I was surprised at all the idfferent food items she prepared; I thought they were store-bought. She even gave out the recipes for all her prepared foods. That's when I realized I was very wrong.
DON'T start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?
Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or whatever:
Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement
Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.
Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)
Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.
Cause and effect essay:
Hmmm. You imagine good cooks to be slovenly. Not in my kitchen.
Yesterday, I went to an excellent Tex-Mex restaurant in Fredericksburg (Texas) for lunch. The food was superb, yes, a glance in the kitchen was, ummmm, what you expected to see. It appears your expectations are that besides slovenly, you expect cooks to be house bound, and not be dressed with finery. And, finally, your expectations are that they be female.
You would be disappointed in my kitchen.
Do men in your life cook? How would you react to that?
And, now my suggestion: Start the essay by examining your assumptions about cooking, gender, and roles in the family. That would be an interesting start, then, shift to this experience and show how if fit into your expectations, and finally, what changes in your experiences/expectations did it cause?
PS: Marry a guy that likes and can cook, life will be easier and full of joy.
writeacher: I guess my journal response is my brainstorming, and I already wrote the outline for my body paragraphs. But, no, I don't have a thesis statement yet, I guess I should start with that.
bobpursley: thanks for your ideas, I guess I can start off by telling how I imagine good cooks to be like, and then what the lady was like,..and how my feeligns changed about her.
p.s. I'm a pretty good cook myself :P
I'm almost ready to give up on you.
I know that several of us have told you, time and again, to start with a thesis statement. None of the rest will make good sense unless you have a good clear main-idea statement you can phrase in ONE SENTENCE.
I'm very discouraged. It seems you've learned nothing from us. =(
Writeacher's remarks are pretty blunt. Let me take some of the edge off: She is saying, you don't have a thesis (thesis=clear path for the essay to the conclusion)
yet you already wrote the outline for the body paragraphs?
Hmmm. This is akin to building the foundation of house, putting in the frames for the rooms, then starting on the decision of how big, how many rooms, closet size, and so on.
Writeacher is saying, I think,you can plan better than that. Make the thesis first, then plan the body supporting paragraphs, and the conclusion. You can do that.
If you re-examine my post, I suggested a thesis: expectations can be examined and changed by life experiences.
I agree with Writeacher in this: I know you can do better. I have seen it.
Ok, thanks. At first I didn't even know what I wrote wrong. Thanks for clearing it out bobpursley. I'll try!