Posted by Sara on Thursday, November 26, 2009 at 10:32pm.
Your response is incredibly vague.
Of course, I definitely think that improvements were made in the working conditions for climbing boys.
Why "of course"?
What improvements have been made? Give lots of details.
I wouldn't assume that the governments just ran away from this situation, and did nothing about it; all together they must have done something to support these children and make their work easier.
Why would you not assume this?
"they must have done something" = ?? Such as ... what?
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/examples.htm
How and why you need to use details/examples to back up any statements you make.
http://aaweb.gallaudet.edu/CLAST/Tutorial_and_Instructional_Programs/English_Works/Writing/Essays.html
Whether you're writing a paragraph or an essay, these ideas are priceless.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/writeproc.html
Notice #3 on the list.
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