Homework Help: sat essay

Posted by Mercedes on Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 9:00am.

assignment:should people always prefer new things, ideas, or values to those of the past?

Should people always prefer new thing to the old? Many people argue that we should not accept the new easily and should sick to the old. As far as I am concerned, we must always try our best to listen to the new ideas because new opinions can stimulate our creativity, correct the mistakes of the past and lead us to greater achievements.
Albert Einstein, the world renowned scientist, supports my view. In 19th century, all the physicists regarded the classic system established by Isac Newton to study the motion of everything was perfect, therefore, what they did was repeating the experiments of their predecessors and improving them. Unlike his contempories, Einstein was not limited by the conventional way of study and create a new method to perceive the universe. However, when he put forward his new theory, special relativity, which solved some fundamental problems in physics, all the people opposed his new idea. But it later proved that his new theory was right and made contribution to the development of science. had people preferred Einstein’s new theory to the old one, our society as well as science would be more advanced than they are now.
Nicolause Corpernicus, the founder of the heliocentric theory, assumed that the earth went around the sun based on scientific calculation. However, people in his days all hold fast to the wrong view that the earth was the centre of the universe and paid no attention to or distain that creative idea. It was not until Galileo Galilei invented the telescope which enabled people to observe the celestial bodies that people accept the ideal of Corpernicus. If people at that time embraced the new idea, human beings would know the truth of the universe earlier and the study of astronomy would not be hampered by the misleading belief of the past.
The examples in history demonstrate that sticking to the old may prevent us from further improvements because we will never be aware of our mistakes in the past and will be unable to know the truth lying in the new. Consequently, we should always prefer the new for development in the future.

please score my essay. and i want to know how to write a strong conclusion.thank u!

sat essay - bobpursley, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 9:28am
Your analysis of the historical examples is deeply flawed, so much so, that it severely takes from your argument. I assume you dont realize that, so I will explain briefly.
" all the physicists regarded the classical ...as perfect". " this solves some fundamental problems..all the people opposed this". Einstein's first paper was published in 1902, at the same time Atoms were not universally accepted as the fundamental part of matter. The proton, and neutron had not even been discovered and accepted. Einstein was widely regarded well before Arthur Eddington observed light bending during the solar eclipse of 1919.
Whatis flawed in this paragraph is your facts are just wrong.
In the second example, you stated "It was not until Galileo Galilei invented the telescope which enabled people to observe the celestial bodies that people accept the ideal of Copernicus. If people at that time embraced the new idea.." As I recall, Galileo was tried and imprisoned for his views, that is hardly general acceptance.
So if you are going to borrow from history, borrow that which you understand, otherwise the reader of your essay is going to nitpick it to death.
Your opening paragraph is good. Your closing paragraph is weaker, I think it would have been stronger if you had tied the conclusion to the supporting paragraphs, such as " Einstein and Copernicus demonstrated for us the value of ..."
One last thought: your sentences tend to ramble. I think it would be corrected if you wrote shorter sentences, but you instead insert a comma, and march on for new things. Write shorter sentences.
I score it a 3
sat essay - Writeacher, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 9:46am
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

I agree -- cut out the rambling, redundant stuff.
sat essay - drwls, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 9:54am
I would grade your essay 5 for style, 4 for logic and 3 for grammar, for an average of 4. There are too many grammatical errors. See if you can find them.
sat essay - bobpursley, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 10:27am
You may find reading other students essays and the scoring logic helpful.
http://www.jiskha.com/search/index.cgi?query=sat

You have to run thru this, but there are valuable lessons here, I think. It often is easier to be more objective when reading others essays and the scoring, than one's own.
Good luck.
sat essay - bobpursley, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 10:28am
http://www.jiskha.com/search/index.cgi?query=sat%20essay
a better link. Sorry.
sat essay - Mercedes, Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 10:52am
thank you so much!

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