Can someone please edit my introductory paragraph? The topic is How does a death of a loved one affect you as a person?
The death of a loved one often affects a person. Hamlet lost one of the persons he cared most, his father who was murdered by his own brother, Claudius. Hamlet became furious and upset when he found out that Claudius killed Hamlets father and his mother Gertrude married Claudius a month after her husband died. When Ophelia heard about her father's death she started to go crazy. Her actions were strange when she was around people. She went insane that she committed suicide. Laertes discovered that Hamlet murdered Poloninus and was enraged, ready to get revenge. Losing a loved one affects a person in unusual ways. The loss of a family or friend can make a person go crazy, anrgy and sad.
I'm kind of stuck on the opening statement ( topic sentence) and the filler.
english - Writeacher, Friday, November 20, 2009 at 10:17pm
"The death of a loved one often affects a person."
Only "often"? Not always?? This seem strange to me.
Learn to use apostrophes when needed for possessive forms.
Learn to use commas correctly.
Learn to use transitions between sentences so you aren't jumping from one sub-topic to another without warning or connection.
Look up what you need to work on and read the examples carefully. Then apply those ideas to your paper.