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Posted by on Friday, November 20, 2009 at 12:35am.

I have to write a family story in the form of a parable. I'm pretty sure there are some revisions to be made but not sure where. The first sentence doesn't seem right/complete


"Give what you have, not what you want in the future"

My mother traveling from her home to her mothers home in Detroit.
Upon getting to Detroit she gets word from a local resident, that the city was damaged terribly by a huge storm. The local also adds that it turns out everyone was able to get out before the storm destroyed the place. And that they were headed the opposite direction to look for shelter. Upon reaching their destination, the people are shocked to see that the shelter is only really able to support a certain number of people and not one person more. So the people of Detroit decide that they should just give up and go back home and live in a disastrous area rather than be over-crowded. Upon hearing this my mother tells everyone that they can probably take live with her brother in his home. But after reaching her brothers home she realized that her brother would never allow this. After learning this, the crowd gets angry and attacks my mother and takes over her home.

  • Medieval Period story - , Friday, November 20, 2009 at 9:01am

    "Give what you have, not what you want in the future" I have no idea what this means. I think it's the second part that makes for confusion since there's no subject or verb after the comma.

    My mother traveling from her home to her mothers home in Detroit. <~~This is not a complete sentence.
    Upon getting to Detroit she gets word from a local resident,<~~delete comma that the city was damaged terribly by a huge storm. The local also adds that it turns out<~~delete "it turns out" -- unnecessary verbiage everyone was able to get out before the storm destroyed the place. And that they were headed the opposite direction to look for shelter.<~~also not a complete sentence Upon reaching their destination, the people are shocked to see that the shelter is only really able to support a certain number of people and not one person more. So the people of Detroit decide that they should just give up and go back home and live in a disastrous area rather than be over-crowded. Upon hearing this<~~add comma; what is "this"? my mother tells everyone that they can probably take live<~~what? with her brother in his home. But after reaching her brothers<~~possessive home<~~add comma she realized that her brother would never allow this<~~what is "this"?. After learning this,<~~what is "this"? the crowd gets angry and attacks my mother and takes over her home. <~~revise to get rid of extra instance of "and"

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