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March 28, 2017

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This is for my art paper but i was wondering if somebody can check my grammar mistakes...I'd really appreciate it..it is due 11/12/09

Formal Analysis:
A Geometric krater, from Dipylon cemetery, Athens date back to 750BC from Geometric Period, is of the magnificent creative object which is there for decoration, however more importantly; it gives detail of funeral procession. It is about four feet high and made out of terracotta. It is in the shape of a vase which is a semi oval and its base stand vertical. It has a narrow base which supports the weight of the vase. From base onward, it spreads out and it is hollow from inside to mix water and wine in the Geometric period. There are two handles on the each side. There are series of horizontal bands from top to bottom and some are very thin and some are thick bands surrounding the vase. There are two strong horizontal bands where death narrations can be easily seen because there are depiction of human and horses. Between those narrations there are number of thin bands which goes around the vase that separated both stories form each other. All the way to the top, a band characterizing the meander design linked to early Greek art which is repeated at the middle of the base. Furthermore, first band after the pattern band, it depicts funeral procession. It can be easily seen as a funeral procession because there is a dead who is laid on an open coffin in the middle of the handle. The dead body is placed at the top to separate from other individual to make that person important. It seems that body is being carried away by a carriage by the help of two horses, but it is difficult to count from their bodies because they are stack together. Therefore, there is a lack of realism when it comes to depicting human and animals. In addition, depictions are narrow to geometric shape which reflects the notion of geometric period in ancient Greek. As we looked at the carcass, we also see checker sheet surrounding the body, but raised above the body to disclose the dead to the viewers. There are numbers of figures standing line by line with small space in between them and they are depicted in geometric style such as, triangle torso and long legs and all of them have hand over their head. Close to the handles, there are two circles on each side of the handles and below are mourners in standing position. As artist moved to the second band, artist showed rows of chariots which are ridden by figures who looked like a bitten apple from the middle. Each chariot has two horses and one rider with rope in their hand. Throughout the Geometric period, large forms of vases were used as grave markers often depicted funeral scenes and this was one of the grave markers.

Plz...I did whatever I could do to fixs my mistakes..
Thanks

  • ART paper - ,

    Great job Jasmine, but you've got a couple run-on sentences.(too long)
    Love Searah

  • ART paper - ,

    my Prof. is driving me crazy.. she is not even accepting this...saying it is not following writing criteria

  • ART paper - ,

    Jasmine, I know how you feel. I am supposed to be in 5th grade, but I skipped 3 grades. I am the smartest in my class and just because I am young the teachers drive me nuts. Let it be.
    Your essay is fine. What you get is what you get.

  • ART paper - ,

    Searah -- do you really think you're knowledgable enough to advise a college student on her writing? Professors demand much more sophisticated and mature writing than elementary and middle school teachers.

  • ART paper - ,

    Sorry Ms. Sue I did not know she was in college. Wow!

  • ART paper - ,

    I thought I was suppose to get help here...but you are torturing instead of helping...

  • ART paper - ,

    Jasmine, I assume that English is your second language.

    Here are corrections for the first part of your paper.

    A geometric krater, from Dipylon cemetery, Athens, dates to 750BC. It is a magnificent creative bowl which shows detail of a funeral procession. It is about four feet high and made out of terracotta. It is a semi-oval vase on a vertical base which supports the weight of the vase. From the base, it spreads out and is hollow inside to mix water and wine. There are two handles on the each side. Two series of thick and thin horizontal bands surround the vase. Death scenes can be easily seen because there are depiction of human and horses. How do humans and horses depict death scenes?

    What exactly is the assignment for this paper?

    Please work on the rest of this paper and repost it.

  • ART paper - ,

    Ms. Sue is right. You really need to work on this.

    In addition, I took one look, even without reading a word, and decided not to read the paper. You need to plan and write essays that have actual paragraphs in them -- each paragraph having a specific purpose:

    ~~ introduction, with thesis statement at the end

    ~~ 2-4 internal paragraphs, each one supporting your thesis statement

    ~~ conclusion

  • ART paper - ,

    Thanks, Ms. Sue. I appreciate your help.
    Yes, English is my 2nd language. This paper is for my Greek art class. We had to looked at the object and described every details of it. I will be reposting it when I'm done fixing my mistakes(I'll do my best)

  • ART paper - ,

    To Writeacher: my prof. doesn't want me to break it down in paragraphs. it is not an essay.

  • ART paper - ,

    Ms. Sue...i know it still needs work but i did my best..

    Between those narrations, there are number of thin bands which go around the vase to separate both stories from each other. All the way at the top, a band characterizing the meander design linked to early Greek art which is repeated at the middle of the base. Furthermore, the first band after the pattern band depicts funeral procession. It can be easily seen as a funeral procession because there is a body dead that is laid on an open coffin in the middle of the handle. The dead body is placed at the top to separate it from other individual to make that person important. It seems that body is being carried away with a carriage by the help of two horses, but it is difficult to count their bodies because they are stacked together. Therefore, there is a lack of realism when it comes to depicting human and animals. In addition, depictions are narrow to the geometric shapes which reflect the notion of geometric period in ancient Greek. As we looked at the carcass, we also see checker sheet surrounding the body, but raised above the body to disclose the dead to the viewers. There are numbers of figures standing line by line with small space in between them. Figures are depicted in geometric style such as, triangle torso and long legs and all of them have hand over their head. Close to the handles, there are two circles on each side of the handles and below are mourners in standing position. As artist moved to the second band, artist shows rows of chariots which are ridden by figures who looked like a bitten apple from the middle. Each chariot has two horses with one rider who has rope in the hand. Throughout the Geometric period, large forms of vases were used as grave markers often depicted funeral scenes and this was one of the grave markers.

  • ART paper - ,

    What definition are you using for narration?

    I'll be back in a few minutes with corrections.

  • ART paper - ,

    i have an object that depicts a funeral scene so i chose the word "narration" because it is telling story
    i hope i make scene

  • ART paper - ,

    This is much better. Corrections are below. Please read carefully, for I omitted some of your words. I've marked these spaces with xxx.


    Between those narrations, there are number of thin bands which go around the vase to separate both stories from each other. All the way at the top, a band characterizing the meander design linked to early Greek art xxx is repeated at the middle of the base. Furthermore, the first band after the pattern band depicts a funeral procession. It can be easily seen as a funeral procession because there is a dead body xxx that is laid on an open coffin in the middle of the handle. The dead body is placed at the top to separate it from other individuals to make that person important. It seems that body is being carried away with a carriage by the help of two horses, but it is difficult to count their bodies because they are stacked together. Therefore, there is a lack of realism when it comes to depicting human and animals. In addition, depictions are narrow to the geometric shapes which reflect the notion of the geometric period in ancient Greece. As we looked at the corpse, we also see a checked sheet surrounding the body, but raised above the body to disclose the dead to the viewers. There are numbers of figures standing line by line with small spaces xxx between them. Figures are depicted in geometric style such as, triangle torso and long legs and all of them have hand over their head. Close to the handles, there are two circles on each side of the handles and below are mourners in standing position. As the artist moved to the second band, he shows rows of chariots which are ridden by figures who looked like apples bitten from the middle. Each chariot has two horses with one rider who has rope in the hand. Throughout the Geometric period, large xxx vases were used as grave markers and often depicted funeral scenes. This was one of the grave markers.

  • ART paper - ,

    Ms. Sue, i cant thank you enough...i really appreciate ur time..i really mean it..
    just have a quick question about this sentence

    "As the artist moved to the second band, he shows rows of chariots which are ridden by figures who looked like apples bitten from the middle."

    i don't know why i feel that it is missing something

  • ART paper - ,

    You're very welcome.

    Your sentence looks o.k., if this is what you mean about the bitten apple.

    http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/6252890/2/istockphoto_6252890-bitten-apple.jpg

  • ART paper - ,

    okay.
    This is exactly what I mean.

  • ART paper - ,

    :-)

  • ART paper - ,

    its a good piece of writing once the mistakes are corrected. :)

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