Grammar and Composition
posted by y912f on .
There are some people in this world that you can’t live without, and then there are some other people who you just can’t bear to live with. That second category is the one that I have to deal with all day, everyday. Sure she’s a few years younger than me, so what? Does that make her any more special than me, or the rest of us? Why is it that she gets all this treatment that we never received? My sister not only irritates me to a great extent, but she also makes some of my worst nightmares come true.
When it’s finally time for the little monster to get up from her twelve-hour beauty sleep, she disappears in to the bathroom, leaving the cluttered bed untouched. Does she seriously expect some maid to come tidy that up for her? It’s bad enough that my parents make me share a room with such a pig; I can’t believe they want me to start doing her dirty work for her too. The division between the room is clear; my side and her side. And predictably the difference is very clear too; my side is organized, good-looking, and spotless, while her side is compared to a pig’s barn; messy, cluttered, and even smelly at times.
ok bobpursley, here is the intro and the first body paragraph for my speech. please if you will, fix it up for me.
alright...here's the other two body paragraphs...it's kind of fun and easy writing about her. :)
After the whole room is spick and span, it’s time to start home-schooling for the day. It is at this time every morning when I come in to the computer room to find her hogging up the only working computer. This is unbelievable! How am I supposed to catch up on my work, when every day she is sitting here before me not even working? When I command the little brat to get off, her only reply is “I was here before you so you can’t make me get off. Try waking up earlier!” Is this some kind of joke? I was, and always am, awake before her; most of my time goes away in fixing up that jungle of a room. It seems like I’ve done some major sin without realizing it and she is my own personal punishment for that unknown sin. What could I have ever done to deserve this?
Ok, I have to keep telling myself that the worst of the day is over. She gets off of the computer around 6 o’clock; I can try to get some work done before dinner time. I’m not caught by surprise when the phone in my room starts ringing; one of my closest friends was supposed to call so we could discuss the party that was coming up. I dash inside my room, tripping and stumbling a few times, because I know that wherever she is she has also heard the phone ring. The phone call with my friend was almost coming to an end and I was shocked that there was no sign of the little demon, more importantly I was grateful for that because my friend had started discussing some of the personal details of the party that were a secret between me and her only. I hung up and was feeling appreciative of the little monster for not trying to over hear our conversation. As I stepped into the kitchen downstairs, there she was, with a huge grin on her face, and the cordless phone in her hand, and I knew that she was listening to every word we had just discussed.
Ok, but remember it is a speech. You don't need to write it out. Notecards are fine....but a significant factor in speech (as opposed to essay) is delivery. Practice on the recorder using your note cards, and then listening to yourself. Work hard for humor.
I don't know how I can help you with delivery. You may have to find a friend to do the listening for you.
Now on what you wrote. You overused pig...there are other things you can use, but keep it light. Remember how I used the Gift to the World, or Princess? In humor, you are allowed to exaggerate. Princess Piggy might work. Uspeakable things on the floor, uneaten food turning grey. Make your point, she could use a stint at military school. But keep if funny, she will be your sister for a long time.
Work hard on delivery, half of humor is in delivery. To make notecards, I suggest you make a detailed outline first, then go to draft notecards, then start practicing section by section.
Be ceratin in the conclusion to close with some kind word for her.
I just read the last two paragraphs. Content is good, those are peeves. But you need to lighten them up, make them funny.
Spend a few minutes here. Especially the use of irony. http://www.squaresail.com/auh.html
alright..i'll try to think of a conclusion even though i'm a little stuck on that
thanks for all the help bobpursley