posted by Angel on .
Help:Please change show me anthing that I need to do, by placing the correct form at the it the bottom of the essay.
Topic: What is your biggest regret in life?
My Biggest Regret
Everyone have had some regrets about something in life. Some of the regrets could have been about a relationship or another choice that he or she made. Sometimes, we make decisions base on how we are feeling at the moment, and don't really take time to think about it. My biggest regret is not taking high school as serious as I should have.
Everyone have <has>
Sometimes, <delete comma>
as serious<ly> is a correction.
But the thing I wonder about, is this all of your essay? The essay is, I think, supposed to be about My Biggest Regret, and you only have one sentence addressing that.
Also, the first three sentences use pronouns Everyone, he, she, we, we. It is only in the final sentence that you use My, and I. Isn't this essay supposed to be about you?
To begin with, people often justmake decision about things in their life, but they soon realize that they should not have made it. By them making that decision in their life;it could have caused them to have sleepless night,and pain. One thing that many people have rregrets about is meeting the person whom they fell in love with.
Next, my biggest regret is not taking high school as serious as I should have taken it. I would do my work and turn it in, but I wouldn't put a lot of effort into it. For instance, I remember one time I had to turn in some math problems. The teacher assigned us about fifty problems in our math book. I did all the problems, but I had my cousin to do the one's that I didn't understand. Althought she did the problems; I should have let her explain the problems so that I would know how to work them out the next time. I also regret cheating myself because I realized that if I had put forth more effort then I probably wouldn't have as many problems in my life today.
In conclusion, everyone have had some regrets in his or her life. Many of the regrets caused them to feel bad and hate that they made the decision that they did. My biggest regret in life is not taking advantage of my high school years.
You have no overall introduction and no thesis statement.
You should have a minimum of two internal paragraphs in the essay. Each paragraph should focus on one example that supports your thesis statement.
In developing each of these paragraphs, you need a topic sentence and supporting sentences that give the details, explaining that topic sentence.
Your conclusion paper should not simply repeat sentences written in other parts of the paper.
Don't throw out what you have so far!! Build on what you have. What I see so far are these things:
1. No introduction or thesis. Parts of your first section (not really a paragraph) will help.
2. Read the last sentence of your first section. Build a paragraph to support that last sentence. Here you've mentioned a topic, but never developed it.
3. Second section would make a reasonably good 3rd paragraph in your essay.
4. Third section is the beginning of a decent conclusion, but needs to be better thought out and written.
~~ Introduction and conclusion paragraphs need to be 4-5 sentences each.
~~ Internal paragraphs need to be 6-8 sentences in order to develop that idea well. (details, details, details)