February 28, 2017

Homework Help: Grammar and Composition

Posted by y912f on Thursday, November 5, 2009 at 10:51am.

I need to change my original paragraph, to improve it, by making these changes:

It just restates the well dressed part. It does not develop it. how is he well dressed?

How does his clothing appear. Examples of clothing.

here's my original paragraph:

The way one person would imagine John E. Mackintosh to look is probably the same for another person since there is a set impression of him for almost everyone. In my opinion, he would always be extremely well dressed in the most excellent designer clothing. In one hand he would clutch his phone, and in the other a heavy, brown briefcase. His physical appearance would almost immediately let somebody know that he is a wealthy businessman. Aside from his clothing, he would have on expensive accessories such as a big watch on his hand and shiny, black shoes.

if anyone has any good ideas that'd be great
thanks guys

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