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Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley

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Ok! I put a good hour into this, and I really did try. Please don't be harsh if there are a lot of mistakes.

Drafting-Organization Sheet

1)_____________Phone Book Names_________________
2)_____________John E. Mackintosh_________________
3)___________________rich_______________________
4)Well dressed with expensive accessories
Rich house and cars
Easy going but busy person
5)John E. Mackintosh is a name found in a phone book that makes an impression of a rich person one me; he would be described as being well dressed with expensive accessories, having a rich house and cars, and being an easy going yet busy person.


Do you ever search through your phone book and come across a name that sounds strange, funny, or just a name that leaves you thinking of the character of that person? It is absolutely correct that there are names out there that leave a specific impression on a person about that individual’s traits or personality. For example, the name Angelic J. Pureheart and the name Lucifer F. Heller illustrate completely opposite feelings and ideas. One can make a guess that the first person would be the type who always tells the truth and does the right thing; this is not so for the second. John E. Mackintosh is a name found in a phone book that makes an impression of a rich person one me; he would be described as being well dressed with expensive accessories, having a rich house and cars, and being an easy going yet busy person.

The way one person would imagine John E. Mackintosh to look is probably the same for another person since there is a set impression of him for almost everyone. In my opinion, he would always be extremely well dressed in the most excellent designer clothing. In one hand he would clutch his phone, and in the other a heavy, brown briefcase. His physical appearance would almost immediately let somebody know that he is a wealthy businessman. Aside from his clothing, he would have on expensive accessories such as a big watch on his hand and shiny, black shoes.

If one were to experience a day with John E. Mackintosh, they would be overwhelmed by his surroundings. His several story mansion made of the finest brown bricks would be enough to keep a person staring at it for hours. Parked outside of the house is where one would find his numerous cars, consisting of only the latest models. Behind his mansion, there is a vast backyard decorated with gorgeous red and with roses; this is the place that holds a private swimming pool just for him. If this isn’t enough to satisfy a person then just wait until you step inside the mansion!

John E. Mackintosh’s behaviors and actions are something that each person will differ on. For me, John E. Mackintosh is a very easy going person, meaning that he is straightforward and uncomplicated. These qualities of his make him an easy person to become friends with since he is not demanding of others. The fact that he is a millionaire owning one of the biggest businesses of the world does not make him arrogant or selfish. However, his life is so hectic that he doesn’t usually find time to rest or even enjoy the luxuries he is living with. His wealth has made him a busy man, but once a person gets to know him, he actually is a very down to earth kind of guy.

John E. Mackintosh’s life is that of a typical businessman because he dresses in expensive clothing, lives and drives in style, and survives in a busy life. His demanding life doesn’t give him a chance to socialize or even time to enjoy his hobbies. Still, I believe, there is a simple, easy going guy inside of every wealthy man. Next time you look through your phone book, think on those names that show personality. Consider a day in their life.

ok. now i will post the Essay Revision Sheet.

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    ok so nothing showed up.


    4)Well dressed with expensive accessories. Rich house and cars. Easy going but busy person
    5)John E. Mackintosh is a name found in a phone book that makes an impression of a rich person one me; he would be described as being well dressed with expensive accessories, having a rich house and cars, and being an easy going yet busy person.

    Do you ever search through your phone book and come across a name that sounds strange, funny, or just a name that leaves you thinking of the character of that person? It is absolutely correct that there are names out there that leave a specific impression on a person about that individual’s traits or personality. For example, the name Angelic J. Pureheart and the name Lucifer F. Heller illustrate completely opposite feelings and ideas. One can make a guess that the first person would be the type who always tells the truth and does the right thing; this is not so for the second. John E. Mackintosh is a name found in a phone book that makes an impression of a rich person one me; he would be described as being well dressed with expensive accessories, having a rich house and cars, and being an easy going yet busy person.
    The way one person would imagine John E. Mackintosh to look is probably the same for another person since there is a set impression of him for almost everyone. In my opinion, he would always be extremely well dressed in the most excellent designer clothing. In one hand he would clutch his phone, and in the other a heavy, brown briefcase. His physical appearance would almost immediately let somebody know that he is a wealthy businessman. Aside from his clothing, he would have on expensive accessories such as a big watch on his hand and shiny, black shoes.
    If one were to experience a day with John E. Mackintosh, they would be overwhelmed by his surroundings. His several story mansion made of the finest brown bricks would be enough to keep a person staring at it for hours. Parked outside of the house is where one would find his numerous cars, consisting of only the latest models. Behind his mansion, there is a vast backyard decorated with gorgeous red and with roses; this is the place that holds a private swimming pool just for him. If this isn’t enough to satisfy a person then just wait until you step inside the mansion!

    John E. Mackintosh’s behaviors and actions are something that each person will differ on. For me, John E. Mackintosh is a very easy going person, meaning that he is straightforward and uncomplicated. These qualities of his make him an easy person to become friends with since he is not demanding of others. The fact that he is a millionaire owning one of the biggest businesses of the world does not make him arrogant or selfish. However, his life is so hectic that he doesn’t usually find time to rest or even enjoy the luxuries he is living with. His wealth has made him a busy man, but once a person gets to know him, he actually is a very down to earth kind of guy.


    John E. Mackintosh’s life is that of a typical businessman because he dresses in expensive clothing, lives and drives in style, and survives in a busy life. His demanding life doesn’t give him a chance to socialize or even time to enjoy his hobbies. Still, I believe, there is a simple, easy going guy inside of every wealthy man. Next time you look through your phone book, think on those names that show personality. Consider a day in their life.

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    I think I would work on his personal characteristics, rich just is just wealth. Is he kind, charitable, sociable, community oriented? What is his legacy? Rich is awfully shallow for a legacy, as is poor. Humans are worth more than their bank account.

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    Five-Paragraph Essay Revision Sheet
    Paragraph #1
    Explain why this paragraph GETS YOUR ATTENTION. OR Explain why this paragraph FAILS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.




    Explain why the THESIS STATEMENT CONTAINS A THREE-STEP FORMAT. OR Explain why the THESIS STATEMENT DOES NOT CONTAIN A THREE-STEP FORMAT.





    Paragraph #2
    Explain how the FIRST POINT is developed in this paragraph




    What is good about this paragraph?




    How could this paragraph be improved?



    Paragraph#3
    Explain how the SECOND POINT is developed in this paragraph.


    What is good about this paragraph?



    How could this paragraph be improved?


    Paragraph #4
    Explain how the THIRD POINT is developed in this paragraph.



    What is good about this paragraph?


    Paragraph #5: Conclusion
    Explain why the FIRST SENTENCE RESTATES THE THESIS for this essay. OR Explain why THE FIRST SENTENCE FAILS TO RESTATE THE THESIS for this essay.


    Explain why the CONCLUDING SENTENCE IS A SUITABLE CLINHER. OR Explain how the CLINCHER COULD BE MADE STRONGER.


    Does your essay contain APPROPRIATE TRANSITIONS to help your reader understand your essay? Explain how the transitions help to connect the ideas and clarify the essay.



    What is your POINT OF VIEW? Can you make your POINT OF VIEW more consistent?



    Check this essay for mechanical errors.
    -Word usage
    -Punctuation
    -Capitalization
    -Spelling
    -Grammar
    -Complete Sentences-(check for sentence fragments and sentence run-ons)


    this is the sheet you have to complete bobpursley

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    ok, give me a few minutes.

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    Five-Paragraph Essay Revision Sheet
    Paragraph #1
    Explain why this paragraph GETS YOUR ATTENTION. OR Explain why this paragraph FAILS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.

    It does get attention. I like the connection with the reader.


    Explain why the THESIS STATEMENT CONTAINS A THREE-STEP FORMAT. OR Explain why the THESIS STATEMENT DOES NOT CONTAIN A THREE-STEP FORMAT.

    It does make clear what the thesis is, in three parts.
    Paragraph #2
    Explain how the FIRST POINT is developed in this paragraph

    It just restates the well dressed part. It does not develop it. How is he well dressed?


    What is good about this paragraph?

    It really does need to be developed, it is hinting a things to be written.


    How could this paragraph be improved?
    How does his clothing appear? Examples of clothing.


    Paragraph#3
    Explain how the SECOND POINT is developed in this paragraph.
    It does mention home, and cars.

    What is good about this paragraph?

    It restates the thesis.H

    How could this paragraph be improved?
    It needs to be developed. How many rooms in the house, how are that outfitted, specific needed. What cars?

    Paragraph #4
    Explain how the THIRD POINT is developed in this paragraph.
    It does mention yard and flowers, and pool


    What is good about this paragraph?
    It developes the last point of the thesis.

    How can it be improved.
    Specifics, with vivid description are sorely needed. Paragraph #5: Conclusion
    Explain why the FIRST SENTENCE RESTATES THE THESIS for this essay. OR Explain why THE FIRST SENTENCE FAILS TO RESTATE THE THESIS for this essay.

    IT doesn't exactly. It says he is a typical businessman, talks about socializing and hobbies. That is nice, but it doesn't reinforce the thesis. Since when is a typical businessman rich?

    Explain why the CONCLUDING SENTENCE IS A SUITABLE CLINHER. OR Explain how the CLINCHER COULD BE MADE STRONGER.
    I think clincher is on the right track, but a question to the reader might be helpful. The readers imagination should be challenged.

    Does your essay contain APPROPRIATE TRANSITIONS to help your reader understand your essay? Explain how the transitions help to connect the ideas and clarify the essay.

    The transistions from paragraph to paragraph are very weak. It almost appears the paragaraphs are written independently.

    What is your POINT OF VIEW? Can you make your POINT OF VIEW more consistent?

    The only point of view I could detect is the focus on wealth as a measure of a person. I would broaden the viewpoint to make a better measure of worth. What value is the wealth, how is it spent, how does it affect the reader?

  • Grammar and Compositon Bobpursley - ,

    alright. i only have two things to point out. first, in Paragraph #4, 'Explain how the THIRD POINT is developed in this paragraph.' you said 'it does mention yard and flowers and pool' but that is paragraph 3 not 4. 4 mentions his actions and behavior.

    so please check that

    and second, for for Paragraph #5, conclusion in the first thing to fill out it says does the FIRST SENTENCE RESTATE THE THESIS OR NOT. here is my sentence 'John E. Mackintosh’s life is that of a typical businessman because he dresses in expensive clothing, lives and drives in style, and survives in a busy life' and i think it does restate the thesis.

    that's all

    thank you so much for doing this for me

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