Grammar and Composition
posted by y912f .
Introduction—reader’s attention and states thesis statement.
The first paragraph should get the reader’s attention and sate the thesis statement.
Since I was a little kid my family has been visiting Asheville, North Carolina, every year for a vacation. I still remember the first time I went there; I was shocked to see the beauty of it all. I just found so much peace and tranquility there that it was hard to leave. It was my first time ever visiting such a place. I had never seen so much nature and greenery in any place I had ever been to before. Aside from that, there are also many other ways to enjoy the gorgeous place
The LAST SENTENCE OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH states the THESIS STATEMENT with the three-step format. This is the topic and the main idea about the topic with the three points that you plan to discuss in your essay.
Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors
I think the thesis is ok. But you can greatly improve the vividness and clarity of the lead-in.
On the thesis, is ice-cream parlors important?
Since I can remember, I visited ANC annually. It was my families' break from xxxxx, into a green world of breathtaking beauty, peace, and tranquility. Awe is hardly the word, I drink in the power of the forest, savoring its xxxxx. It restores my soul.
You can do this. Make it vivid, transfer the impressions you lived to your reader. Choose your words carefully. Don't drown your thoughts in long sentences.
You can do this. Try harder.
that's really good..ok i will try to make it better
p.s. i have to keep the thesis the way it is