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G&C ms.sue

posted by on .

ok here goes:

Dubai - specific topic
the cultural capital of the Middle East-specific impression

Burj Al Arab - world's tallest hotel - support

desert activities - support

beaches - support

one day i will go there - conclusion sentence


Dubai is becoming the cultural capital of the Middle East! Strolling through Burj Al Arab, the world's tallest hotel, would truly be breathtaking. To practice the various desert activities for tourists would get anyone excited. In that course of time, my only other wish would be to catch a glimpse of their amazing beaches. Surely, one day all of this will come true, and I will get to visit Dubai.

what do you think?

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    but somehow it doesnt seem right. because the conclusion sentence is not rephrasing the topic sentence. and the supports are not supporting how it's a cultural capital, they're supporting why i want to visit it.

    i'm not sure what to do
    please help

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    You can simply add --
    . . . visit Dubai, the cultural capital of the Middle East.

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    wow that's true
    i didn't think of that

    is everything else alright?

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    Yes, everything else is fine!

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    Wow, you and I have the same interest. I really want to go to Dubai as well. There are so many malls there and the best one is the mall of emirates, which is located on sheihk zayed road. It is the biggest one in middle east.

    That's good but I would add a bit more to get my audience focused on this topic.

  • G&C ms.sue - ,

    i'm only allowed to write 5 sentences.

    but thanks ! :)

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