Posted by y912f on Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:45pm.
ok here goes:
Dubai - specific topic
the cultural capital of the Middle East-specific impression
Burj Al Arab - world's tallest hotel - support
desert activities - support
beaches - support
one day i will go there - conclusion sentence
Dubai is becoming the cultural capital of the Middle East! Strolling through Burj Al Arab, the world's tallest hotel, would truly be breathtaking. To practice the various desert activities for tourists would get anyone excited. In that course of time, my only other wish would be to catch a glimpse of their amazing beaches. Surely, one day all of this will come true, and I will get to visit Dubai.
what do you think?
- G&C ms.sue - y912f, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:48pm
but somehow it doesnt seem right. because the conclusion sentence is not rephrasing the topic sentence. and the supports are not supporting how it's a cultural capital, they're supporting why i want to visit it.
i'm not sure what to do
- G&C ms.sue - Ms. Sue, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:53pm
You can simply add --
. . . visit Dubai, the cultural capital of the Middle East.
- G&C ms.sue - y912f, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:55pm
wow that's true
i didn't think of that
is everything else alright?
- G&C ms.sue - Ms. Sue, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:56pm
Yes, everything else is fine!
- G&C ms.sue - Sheena, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:56pm
Wow, you and I have the same interest. I really want to go to Dubai as well. There are so many malls there and the best one is the mall of emirates, which is located on sheihk zayed road. It is the biggest one in middle east.
That's good but I would add a bit more to get my audience focused on this topic.
- G&C ms.sue - y912f, Friday, October 16, 2009 at 8:57pm
i'm only allowed to write 5 sentences.
but thanks ! :)
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