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Posted by on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 6:03pm.

Can you please see what I wrote is in formal language and the grammar is correct.Thank you.

In Ellen's relationships all she wants to do get ahead. Ellen fails so miserably with love because the world moves so quickly that she does not have time to stop and think about what is going on. She keeps her mask on completely because she gives up life with Jimmy so she could be with George and become rich. The modern world lacked compassion and consumed Ellen into that person who did not show any emotion. There was no reason for Ellen to be happy because she she drowned in all of her problems.

  • Grammar Check Ms. Sue - , Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 6:08pm

    You have several idiomatic phrases that should be formalized --
    "get ahead"
    "what is going on"
    "drowned in all of her problems"

    Also -- you changed tenses. You should stick with one tense. In fact you changed tenses in the middle of one sentence.

    Proofread your last sentence.

  • Grammar Check Ms. Sue - , Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 6:13pm

    In Ellen's relationships all she wants to do get ahead.----->In Ellen's relationships all she wants to do *is* get ahead.

    She keeps her mask on completely because she gives up life with Jimmy so she could be with George and become rich. ----> She keeps her mask on completely because she gives up life with Jimmy. She does this so she can be with George and become rich.

    The modern world lacked compassion and consumed Ellen into that person who did not show any emotion.---->At the time, the modern world lacked compassion and consumed Ellen into a person who did not show any emotion.

    There was no reason for Ellen to be happy because she she drowned in all of her problems. ----->
    Ellen drowned in all of her problems, so there was no reason for her to be happy.

  • Grammar Check Ms. Sue - , Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 6:14pm

    What do you mean by the phrases being formulated. How do I change the tense or where does it need to be changed at

  • Grammar Check Ms. Sue - , Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 6:20pm

    The phrases should be formalized, that is you should use more formal language than idiomatic expressions. What exactly do you mean that Ellen wants to "get ahead?" Make money? Graduate? Get a promotion? The term's meaning in this context is unclear.

    For consistency of verb tense, please study these sites.

    (Broken Link Removed)

    http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/601/08/

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