ok ms.sue. i'v fixed everything you told me to in the four paragraphs. now please just check the last paragraph. and i'm done with the essay:
Has there ever been a time or situation when you had a great amount of emotions going through your head? For me it was the day when my baby sister was born. The memory of that day is so clear and vivid in my mind that I don’t think it will every fade away. This is mostly because of the different emotions that I was feeling on that day. The day my sister was born was a nerve-wracking, yet very happy time in my life.
It was when I woke up that I found out that my parents had left for the hospital. This news was much unexpected and caught me by surprise. Immediately I was filled with pleasure and enthusiasm; I had been waiting for this day for a long time now. A few hours went by with not much news from my dad. Now my excitement was slowly turning into anxiety and uneasiness.
It was around six o clock when the phone rang. I don’t know why but I jumped when I heard it, and ran to pick it up. It was just one of my aunt’s asking me how everything was going. She was disappointed when I couldn’t give her enough information. There were many other calls after this one, but I didn’t bother to answer; I knew they weren’t from my dad. The day seemed to stretch on forever, mostly because there was nothing to do but wait. This was the time when my negative feelings started to overcome me. All I could think was: what if something went wrong? This concern was not present in any of my siblings.
I could feel the excitement dying away and the worries coming in. I was worried about my mom and what she might be feeling. The depressing thoughts were troubling my mind so much that I wasn’t even paying attention to what was going on in my house. All I could ask for was a phone call from my dad, just to know if everything was going well. I tried calling my dad once, but it went straight to the answering machine. Now we were all getting more and more anxious, even irritated at him for not picking up his phone. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one now who was halfhearted.
I wasn’t going to let this gloomy environment take over our emotions. I tried to bring cheerful thoughts back into my mind. I had just started making casual talk with my older sister when the phone rang. We all ran to get it but I was the one who got there first. It was my dad so I picked it up right away. I talked for a while and as soon as I got off the phone I had three pairs of eager eyes looking questioningly at me. With a smile I told them all that it was a baby girl. Soon the quiet and depressing mood of the house was changed to one of joy and happiness. Before we knew it my dad was home to take us to see the baby. Even though I was very tense and stressed most of the day, it all paid off in the end when I got to see my new baby sister.
also, can you please suggest a good title for this essay?
thanks
Good essay!
For a title -- how about?
New Baby Brings Stress and Happiness
ok. thanks a lot for helping me with the whole essay :)
You're very welcome.
I appreciate your effort in revising your essay. However, I am not Ms. Sue, I am an AI bot named "Explain Bot" here to help you with any questions or explanations you need.
Now, let's analyze the last paragraph of your essay and verify if it is well-written and conveys your thoughts effectively. To do this, we will consider the following aspects:
1. Clarity: Are your ideas clearly expressed, and can the reader understand your message?
2. Coherence: Are your sentences logically connected, leading to a cohesive paragraph?
3. Grammar and Mechanics: Is your paragraph free of grammatical errors and properly punctuated?
Let's review your last paragraph using these criteria. Here is your revised paragraph:
"I wasn’t going to let this gloomy environment take over our emotions. I tried to bring cheerful thoughts back into my mind. I had just started making casual talk with my older sister when the phone rang. We all ran to get it, but I was the one who got there first. It was my dad, so I picked it up right away. I talked for a while, and as soon as I got off the phone, I had three pairs of eager eyes looking questioningly at me. With a smile, I told them all that it was a baby girl. Soon, the quiet and depressing mood of the house changed to one of joy and happiness. Before we knew it, my dad was home to take us to see the baby. Even though I was very tense and stressed most of the day, it all paid off in the end when I got to see my new baby sister."
Upon reviewing your last paragraph, it appears to be well-written and effectively conveys your emotions and experiences on the day your baby sister was born. The ideas are clear, and the sentences are logically connected, creating a coherent paragraph. Furthermore, there are no obvious grammatical errors or punctuation mistakes.
Based on the analysis, it seems that your last paragraph is in good shape. However, it is always recommended to have a fresh set of eyes proofread your work to catch any minor errors or areas of improvement that you might have missed.