ok ms.sue. i'v fixed everything you told me to in the four paragraphs. now please just check the last paragraph. and i'm done with the essay:
Has there ever been a time or situation when you had a great amount of emotions going through your head? For me it was the day when my baby sister was born. The memory of that day is so clear and vivid in my mind that I don’t think it will every fade away. This is mostly because of the different emotions that I was feeling on that day. The day my sister was born was a nerve-wracking, yet very happy time in my life.
It was when I woke up that I found out that my parents had left for the hospital. This news was much unexpected and caught me by surprise. Immediately I was filled with pleasure and enthusiasm; I had been waiting for this day for a long time now. A few hours went by with not much news from my dad. Now my excitement was slowly turning into anxiety and uneasiness.
It was around six o clock when the phone rang. I don’t know why but I jumped when I heard it, and ran to pick it up. It was just one of my aunt’s asking me how everything was going. She was disappointed when I couldn’t give her enough information. There were many other calls after this one, but I didn’t bother to answer; I knew they weren’t from my dad. The day seemed to stretch on forever, mostly because there was nothing to do but wait. This was the time when my negative feelings started to overcome me. All I could think was: what if something went wrong? This concern was not present in any of my siblings.
I could feel the excitement dying away and the worries coming in. I was worried about my mom and what she might be feeling. The depressing thoughts were troubling my mind so much that I wasn’t even paying attention to what was going on in my house. All I could ask for was a phone call from my dad, just to know if everything was going well. I tried calling my dad once, but it went straight to the answering machine. Now we were all getting more and more anxious, even irritated at him for not picking up his phone. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one now who was halfhearted.
I wasn’t going to let this gloomy environment take over our emotions. I tried to bring cheerful thoughts back into my mind. I had just started making casual talk with my older sister when the phone rang. We all ran to get it but I was the one who got there first. It was my dad so I picked it up right away. I talked for a while and as soon as I got off the phone I had three pairs of eager eyes looking questioningly at me. With a smile I told them all that it was a baby girl. Soon the quiet and depressing mood of the house was changed to one of joy and happiness. Before we knew it my dad was home to take us to see the baby. Even though I was very tense and stressed most of the day, it all paid off in the end when I got to see my new baby sister.
Creative Writing. ms.sue - y912f, Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 2:55pm
also, can you please suggest a good title for this essay?
Creative Writing. ms.sue - Ms. Sue, Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 3:35pm
For a title -- how about?
New Baby Brings Stress and Happiness
Creative Writing. ms.sue - y912f, Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 4:56pm
ok. thanks a lot for helping me with the whole essay :)
Creative Writing. ms.sue - Ms. Sue, Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 4:59pm
You're very welcome.