ok . here's the 2nd && 3rd paragraph:
It was when I woke up that I found out that my parents had left for the hospital. This news was much unexpected and caught me by surprise. Immediately I was filled with pleasure and enthusiasm; I had been waiting for this day for a long time now. A few hours went by with not much news from my dad. Now my excitement was slowly turning into anxiety and uneasiness.
It was around six o clock when the phone rang. I don’t know why but I jumped when I heard it, and ran to pick it up. It was just one of my aunt’s asking me how everything was going. She was disappointed when I couldn’t give her enough information. There were many other calls after this one, but I didn’t bother to answer; I knew they weren’t from my dad. The day seemed to stretch on forever, mostly because there was nothing to do but wait. It was around this time when the negative feelings started to overcome me. All I could think was: what if something went wrong? This concern was not present in any of my siblings.
I like it, but if you could add more then it would even be better, but I like it:-)
As I now know that you have four siblings, it seems like you're the eldest, because usually the eldest ones get worried easily. It's the same with me too. As I am progessing, I am able to understand more, and think positively, but that doesn't stop the negative thoughts entering the mind.
thanks. the essay's not finished yet. i just wanted to get these checked first with a jiskha tutor. but thanks :)
p.s. i'm not the oldest
From your information, I am wondering how you knew that the calls were not from your dad. I got hung up on that point.
If you have caller ID, it might help to clear up that question. "From my caller ID, I knew they weren't from my dad." (However, your dad could have been calling from someone else's phone.)
I hope this helps a little more. Thanks for asking.
The second and third paragraph describe the narrator's experience after waking up and finding out that their parents had left for the hospital. The news initially brings them pleasure and enthusiasm as they had been waiting for this day for a long time. However, as hours go by without much news from their dad, their excitement starts turning into anxiety and uneasiness.
Around six o'clock, the phone rings, and the narrator jumps and runs to pick it up. It turns out to be one of their aunts, asking about how everything is going. The narrator disappoints their aunt by not being able to provide enough information. Several other calls follow, but the narrator doesn't bother answering them as they know these calls aren't from their dad.
As the day progresses, it feels like it's stretching on forever. The narrator has nothing to do except wait, which leads to the negative feelings starting to overcome them. They start worrying about what could have gone wrong. Interestingly, these concerns are not shared by their siblings.