posted by Ashlynn on .
is technology a hinderance or an advantage?
The lifesyle of people ten years ago is certainly different from their lifestyle now. Although technology may implement "advances" in humanity, is it really all advancement? Technology hinders many benefits in life. WHile a child can be outside jumping rope, children of today are cooped up playing video games. Today's world is clearly effected by the negative results of technology.
Current lifestyles are immersed with the dependency of technology. Online banking for example, allows an adult to avoid contact with the world beyond the confidment of his or her house walls. Before ouline banking, people were required to go out and interact with other people. New technology in this example is increasing the number of people who are becoming more anti-social.
Chidlren playing on the computers is another example. When I babysat two boys, Aaron and Rick, they both stormed upstairs as soon as I got there and never left their room. What were they doing? Online videogames. Aaron was seven and Rick was five. I was shocked to see two boys at such a young age being abosrbed into the fantasies of video-gamming. I remember when I was five, I lived in a small neighborhood and every Sunday I would go outside and play wiht my neighbors, Christine and Elizabeth. Not only did I create an everlasting relationship with them, I'd like to believe that they kept me healthy because of all the "adventures" we went on. Personally, I know that starring at the computer all day can make a person gain weight, due to inactivity. This is why Aaron and Rick's addiction to new technology worries me on many levels. I wish they could play like children used to play.
On a larger level, tehcnology has also effected usglobally. With the War in Iraq, many people are afraid of a nuclear arms race that leads to a nuclear war. In the event of a nuclear war, happening, many ecosystems would be utterly dessimated as well as many innocent lives of civilians would be shattered. No one really knows the full details of the damage new nuclear technology will cause, but people fear the worst.
Technology can be advantageous at first, but there comes a point where technology is inordenate. It is true that technology, such as the computer, as its advantage of convenience, but it also elimiateds the factor of movement and people wounder why the human race is becoming obese. more destructive weapons such as nuclear fusion bombs can ause more harm than good. We are at a time where technology is just becoming to excessive.
can someone please give me a score?
thanks so much!!!!!
SAT scores are based on looking at the writing as a first draft.
Your conclusion was weak, you waffled. Reread the question.
The last sentence of the introductory paragraph was strong, but the rest was very weak. THe first paragraph ought to be stronger, with the supporting paragraphs making points. I got the distinct feeling that you did not jot down an outline before you started writing. I recommend spend a few min on an outline, revising it a couple of times before writing.
My score: 4 or 3
Although bobpursley has had far more practice grading SAT essays than I have, I'd give it a 2 because you had a clear thesis statement and supported it well.
Ashlynn, in the grading of SAT essays, if the marks of two readers are off by 2 points (possible here), a third reader is required. I will try to find a third reader, check in later.
One thing I want to assure you : Practice on these ensures better SAT scores on the Test.
Ms Sue... if i did it well then why did i get a 2? (out of 6)
Bobpursley made some good points. I hope a third teacher also reads your essay and grades it.
I'm sorry, Ashlynn. I meant to give it a 5.
I told you I wasn't experienced at this grading system.
The thesis is good, and the conclusion could be stronger, yes. The thesis is developed adequately, but there are some generalizations that bother me.
I know it's a first draft, but there are far too many mechanical errors in here to keep me from stumbling as I read -- spelling, usage, run-ons, etc.
The best grade I'd give it is a 3. (I'd like to waffle and say a 3+/4- but that's not possible, I think!)
OK, maybe a 4 !!
Nice Vocabs for ur age, was expecting more disadvantages of using technology...like radiation from gamma rays, side effects from staring at the computer screen for long hours, all the bad things that children are exposed too while on the internet...remeber the more information you put makes the whole essay intresting to read.....