http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1254257821
and
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1254258297
and
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1254263202
Your first (and better) thesis statement attempt: "While some are struggling to survive in this world today, Americans should appreciate what they have and realize the benefits this country has to offer them; that with hard work, determination, and a good education, anyone can succeed with the right attitude."
Get rid of the parts I've put in bold and you'll have a much more straightforward thesis statement. It'd be even better if you delete "with" and move "the right attitude" into the series before "anyone can succeed."
Let us know what you think.
To improve the thesis statement, you can remove the parts that were bolded in the original statement. This will make the thesis more straightforward and concise. Additionally, deleting the word "with" and moving the phrase "the right attitude" into the series before "anyone can succeed" will further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the thesis.
The revised thesis statement could be: "Americans should appreciate what they have and realize the benefits this country has to offer them: that with hard work, determination, a good education, and the right attitude, anyone can succeed."