Can someone grade my essay? The topic is: What are your thoughts on the idea that television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together?
Here it is!
Does Television Interrupt Human Relationships?
The television is a great invention and has brought laughter and joy to a countless amount of people every day. It is a wonderful source of entertainment and provides against boredom. On the other hand, many experts think that because of the television, there is less interaction between people, that people are isolating themselves just to watch TV all the time. I must say that I agree with them to a certain point. True, the television has many, many benefits. However, there are also an endless amount of reasons why televisions are causing more problems rather than solving them.
Ever since the television was invented, a common scene has been a whole family in a room watching TV with no one speaking If something else had happened and the television had not been invented, that family would instead, be sitting there together happily and having a nice, old-fashioned conversation and bonding. That is one major problem that the television creates; it is distracting people from each other. No new steps are being taken in deepening a relationship. People are much too absorbed in the latest scandal on the news or who cheated on who in the new episode of “Desperate Housewives” to pay attention to how Sally is doing in school or if Joey made the basketball team. Television often prevents people from getting further in relationships.
How often does a friend call to invite you over to spend the night and you declined because the new episode of “Lost” is on tonight and you don’t want to miss it? My guess is very often. This is yet another disadvantage of television. It keeps people from having a life. Nowadays, it is normal to hear about that man who graduated from law school with a guaranteed successful future but is now two-hundred pound overweight and stays at home every day stuffing his face and watching TV only getting up to go to the bathroom or to get more food. This man’s life has been ruined because of his addiction to television. Sadly, many people today have a similar story and have no life outside of television. That is yet another serious consequence of watching too much television.
The third and final reason why TV ruins relationships is because of the things we learn from it. For instance, many TV shows make it seem like it is okay to lie to your parents. Because of that, more and more teenagers are lying and loosing the trust of their parents. It is likely that parents will be more strict because of this and your relationship with them will falter. Another example of this is with drugs and alcohol. An endless amount of TV shows portray drinking, partying, and taking drugs as enjoyable and harmless. We all know that this is definitely not true. However, there are some people out there who get tricked by these messages and decide to get drunk anyways just because it looks like so much fun. But, when people are drunk, they do and say thinks they will regret later on and that can possibly ruin a relationship forever. So, as you can see, television does not always influence people for the better.
Even though there are a fair amount of advantages of having a television, you should not let it become your life. Television can hypnotize people and make them forget about reality. It lessens the interaction between people and can shut out any kind of conversation. Last but not least, it affects the way people think and can ruin relationships. In conclusion, television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together. It has influenced the way humans connect, relate, and converse with each other forever.
I assume that is the title, which presents a question in my mind what your thesis is. Generally, questions as titles are weak, as it does not suggest the thesis. Anyway, without the essay, it is difficult to know.
Your essay discusses the idea that television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together. Overall, your essay provides a clear argument and supports it with various reasons and examples.
In terms of grading, I would give your essay a solid B+. Here is the breakdown:
- Content and Argument (A-): Your essay argues that television is causing isolation by distracting people from each other, preventing deeper relationships, and influencing behavior in negative ways. You present your points clearly and support them with examples. Overall, your argument is well-developed and coherent.
- Organization and Structure (B): Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to ensure a better flow of ideas.
- Language and Style (B+): You use a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas. There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases, but overall, your writing is clear and understandable.
- Evidence and Examples (B): Your essay provides examples to support your arguments, such as the common scene of families watching TV without speaking, declining invitations due to TV shows, and the influence of TV on behavior. These examples help to strengthen your points, but providing more specific and diverse evidence could make your argument even stronger.
- Conclusion (B): Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your thesis. However, it could be strengthened by providing a brief summary of your supporting arguments.
To improve your essay, I would suggest the following:
1. Work on the transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas.
2. Revise and proofread your essay for grammar, punctuation, and clarity. Consider reading it aloud to catch any awkward phrases or errors.
3. Provide more specific and diverse evidence and examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive.
4. Strengthen your conclusion by providing a brief summary of your supporting arguments.
Overall, your essay presents a strong argument and supports it with relevant points and examples. With some revisions and attention to the organization and evidence, you can further improve your essay.