posted by Cuong Chiem on .
Your boss wants to send a brief email message welcoming employees recently transferred to your department from your Hong Kong branch. They all speak English, but your boss asks you to review his message for clarity. What would you suggest your boss change in the following email message, and why? Would you consider this message to be audience centered? Why or why not?
"I wanted to welcome you ASAP to our little family here in the States. It's high time we shook hands in person and not just across the sea. I'm pleased as punch about getting to know you all, and I for one will do my level best to sell you on America."
Wow! The boss needs to get rid of all of the slang and idioms.
Good God. Get a new boss.
I would completely rewrite it. He ought be offering assistance in the move and getting settled. And the stupid cheeszy "pleased as punch" "my level best" ought to be left for his Alabama office.
If I worked here, I would seriously start watching for other jobs. No one can be great working for a toad.
oh yes: audience centered...NOT. Count the number of I vs you.