We're supposed to write a Reader's Response Journal on a passage from the book The Alchemist. I was wondering if mine sounded alright. Does it need any work? Is it sloppy or weak? ANY tips appreciated. :)

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The King of Salem explained that a person’s Personal Legend is something they have always wanted to accomplish; something they have always dreamed about doing. Paulo Coelho, the author of The Alchemist, introduced a variety of characters and each had their own Personal Legend; some had already completed their Personal Legends, whilst others had given up; a few had yet to figure out their Personal Legends, and those who had were still seeking them out. Santiago’s Personal Legend is to find hidden treasure. The baker’s personal legend is to travel. The candy merchant, however, is content with selling candy. When you are living in a world that bends and adjusts itself to help you achieve your one true dream and that dream is making and selling candy, it seems like such a waste. It really got me thinking. How could anybody be happy making candy when they could be discovering new lands or building great cities? Why did the author make such a character? I think Coelho wanted to tell his readers that you don’t need to be the richest man on the earth to be happy. A candy merchant can experience joys and pleasures that a king never does. If you spend your life wallowing in self-pity, envy, and vanity, you’ll never be happy. You can live in a shack and be one of the happiest people in the world. Unfortunately, some people never realize that. Adventure and sightseeing isn’t for everyone; in fact, many people are fine living in the same house their entire life. You can learn a lot from people like the candy merchant.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090904073922AAcaLwh

this summary is very bad u r a terrible writer.

Your response journal appears to be well-written and captures the essence of the passage you are analyzing. However, here are a few tips to help you strengthen your readers' response:

1. Add specific examples: Including specific examples from the passage can help support your analysis and make your response more compelling. For instance, you could mention a particular interaction or dialogue involving the candy merchant to illustrate your point about the character's contentment.

2. Provide deeper analysis: Expand on your thoughts and go beyond surface-level observations. Instead of just mentioning that the candy merchant is content with selling candy, delve into the reasons behind this contentment. Consider exploring the theme of finding happiness in simple pleasures and how it contrasts with societal expectations of success.

3. Connect your response to your personal experiences or observations: While analyzing literature, it's often beneficial to draw connections between the text and your own life or the world around you. Share any personal insights or observations that the passage evoked in you. This will enhance your response and make it more meaningful.

4. Consider addressing counterarguments: In this case, you mention that adventure and sightseeing are not for everyone, but it might be useful to consider counterarguments and address them in your response. For example, what if someone argues that settling for less may hinder personal growth or limit one's potential? By considering counterarguments, you demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

Remember, a reader's response journal should not only summarize or describe the passage, but it should also showcase your analytical thinking and personal engagement with the text.