Posted by y912f on Thursday, August 13, 2009 at 5:08pm.
please help me quick
It would help if we knew the main points of your body paragraphs (just a phrase or sentence on what you will/have discussed in each paragraph).
However, your thesis now seems unnecessarily wordy.
If you are writing mainly about ways to cure/impede diabetes, what you have said in your thesis can be shortened to "diet is the most important factor in fighting diabetes."
However, if your paper is more broad and discusses how poor diet can lead to diabetes, you could consider that in your thesis:
Diet is not only a cause of diabetes, but also the most important factor in fighting it.
How impatient you are!
Try simplifying that sentence. It's too repetitive and wordy. Keep only the main idea you will work on proving by means of your paper.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
well, thanks you guys
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