Posted by henry on Friday, July 31, 2009 at 5:59pm.
I'd be glad to check it.
But first, please proofread it carefully yourself and run it through a spell check. Then post it.
My practice is to stop reading after I find three careless mistakes.
Boxing, my favorite, is an Olympic, Amateur, and Professional sport.I love this sport because my brother (Sadam Ali)was an Amateur, is an Olympian, and now turned professional. This sport has been following all my life.when I was two my brother was four and started Karate. My family and I will would go watch all his tournaments and fights ; we never missed one. the second paragraph will be on the next post . thank you I appreciate it.
By the time he was eight I was six and he stopped participating in Karate and joined Boxing.So my family and brother decided to move on with boxing with his career and started his amateur career.As he got older he accomplished alot like the Golden Gloves and tryed for the Olympic trails.he won the olympic trails and was but on the U.S.A Olympic team. when he made the olympic team he made history. He was the only Arab/American to make the Olympic team; Also the first person to make the Olympic team in twenty years that was born and raised in Brooklyn,N.Y. Now he turned professional in january of 2009; His record is three fights zero lost zero draws and two knockouts. This is why i love the sport its been in my life and also there's always something to achieve.
This is pretty good. :-)
In the first and second sentences, amateur and professional should begin with lower case letters.
Do you mean that you've been following this sport all your life? (3rd sentence)
Don't forget to start sentences with capital letters -- When I was two . . .
Last sentence: Omit "will." The sentence should be: "My family and I would go . . ."
i understand all the corrections thank you so much just the last correction where it says Last sentence: Omit "will." The sentence should be: whats Omit "will." sorry if i bother you but thanks for saying its pretty good :)
also it says PLEASE DONT GO OVER A 100 WORDS. i did are they going to minus points if there are can you tell me what to take out. please thank you.
Second paragraph --
1st sentence -- lower case for karate and boxing
3rd & 4th sentences -- a lot (two words), tried (not tryed), trials (not trails), put (not but). Olympics should be capitalized.
In this next sentence, I've bold-faced the corrections.
He was the only Arab-American to make the Olympic team. Also, he was the first person to make the Olympic team in twenty years who was born and raised in Brooklyn, N.Y.
Next sentence: Put a period after 2009.
Note the commas you should put in this sentence:
His record is three fights, zero lost, zero draws, and two knockouts.
Henry -- I've enjoyed reading your essay about boxing and your brother. Good luck to you and him!
Did you know there's an article about him in Wikipedia? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadam_Ali
I put your two paragraphs into Word and it shows 219 words. I am not sure about the purpose of the limit of words, but when I was at the time of doing precis, every excess word counted.
It looks like a good idea to shorten it to something close to 100 words. Perhaps Ms Sue or your teacher will give you a better idea how and whether marks will be taken off.
Omit means to leave out.
One way you could shorten it is to omit the second paragraph. Add the last sentence of the second paragraph to your first paragraph. That should be just under 100 words.
yes. i did know thank you so much for help. with your corrections im confident all get an A. but im still afarid about passing 100 should i shorten it or keep it as it is.
Since your instructions say clearly, don't go over 100 words, I recommend you shorten it to just the first paragraph plus your final sentence.
oh ok thats sounds good now im sure ill get a. and my brothers professionals fights and amateur fights on youtube if you would like to watch thank you so much. you gave me confidence to go on with my work. when you said it was pretty good. thank you.
Now I think your essay is very good. :-)
lol :) thanks i appreciate everything if i need help i know to come to you. thanks. you made me laugh and put me in a good mood. thanks
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