In your first paragraph, do you mean peruse or pursue?
There's an error in this phrase: "is expected to grown by 47 percent
What is a " fast-past environment?"
This whole phrase doesn't make sense. I suspect you mean "worked." But was the environment highly self-motivated?
"Having work in a fast-past environment, highly self-motivated, with solid organization and decision making skills,"
What is a billing and coding? Don't you need a word after those adjectives?
"I believe a career as a medical billing & coding would be perfect"
There are so many careless errors in this paragraph, it would be thrown out as representing someone who is not detail-oriented enough to fulfill this job. Didn't you proofread what you wrote?
It should have been pursue a career in the medical service field. and the other mistake was having worked in a fast-past career. I have been work for 25 years and do have experience in many jobs......
Do you have any answers for the second paragraph or is this not well either
What the dickens is a "fast-past career?" Is it like a fast-food restaurant? Or is this the phrase you need? http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fast-paced
Before I even look at the second paragraph, please post your revised paragraph. Be sure to correct all of the errors I showed you.
With the job market changing rapidly, I found that the Medical Service field is expected to grow by 47 percent by the year 2012. This motivated me to pursue a career in the medical service field. Having worked in a fast-pace career, highly self-motivated and solid organization and decision making skills, I believe a career as a medical billing & coding would be perfect. While completing my degree and receiving a certification in medical billing & coding I cultivated a true passion for this field. Therefore a position with VNA of Buffalo, would be a great accomplishment. The opportunity presneted to me is very appealing. I believe that my experience and education will make me a competitive candiate for this position.
Please DO NOT use anyone else's name in the First Name box. That makes it look as though I posted the above -- even though your capitalization is wrong.
This is much better -- but far from being polished.
Why did you capitalize medical service in the first sentence, but not the second? You should be consistent, but the caps are not needed.
The biggest errors are in this sentence. I've bolded the corrections.
"Having worked in a fast-paced career, I am highly self-motivated and have solid organization and decision making skills. I believe a career as a medical billing & coding clerk would be perfect."
Spell checks are wonderful in detecting typos like these.
If you'd still like us to correct your second paragraph, please click "Post a new question," and copy and paste it there, along with your instructions.
business writing - Background You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of...
English paragraph writing - I have to write these paragraphs for a writing ...
Business English - I need help writing this: You’ve applied for a specific job ...
writing sentences and paragraphs - you've applied for a specific job in your ...
writing sentences and paragraph assignment - I have to write these paragraphs ...
Writing Sentences and paragraphs - Paragraph 1 Background You’ve applied for a ...
Writing Sentences And Paragraphs - Hello Sir/ Mam, I have assignments to be ...
writing sentences and paragraphs - Paragraph 1 Background You’ve applied for a ...
Business Writing - Background You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of...
English - You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human ...