Posted by lynn on .
Paragraph one is about a Polished piece of writing that the human resource depart. wants to see at the interview,describing an experience that inspired me or guided me to choose the type of position for which in applied for. Do you think this is good.
With the job market changing rapidly, I realized the need to enhance my education to a specialty field. During my research I found that the Medical Service field is expected to grown by 47 percent by the year 2012. This motivated me to peruse a career in the Medical Service field. Having work in a fast-past environment, highly self-motivated, with solid organization and decision making skills, I believe a career as a medical billing & coding would be perfect for my skills, backgroung and interests. While completing my degree and receiving a certification in medical billing and coding I cultivated a true passion for this field. Therefore a position with VNA of Buffalo, would be a great accomplishment. The opportunity presented to me is very apealing. I believe that my experience and education will make me a competitive cadidate for this position.
Is about my cousin that is looking for a job and her previous jobs wer cashier and sale clerk. I know she is a perfect match for the job that is opening where i work for a boss's assistant and i have to persuade my cousing to apply for the job. although she doesn't think she is capable.
Any luck finding a job yet? Consequently, that's whyy I'm e-mailing you. I just heard my company: ABC Enterprise is posting a Boss's Assistant position. I beleive you would be a perfect match fot the positin. By the waay, I know for a fact, that my boss is looking for a person with customer service and a retail background. Your personality is always positive; you know how to respond to customers, a real people person. I know you are a well organize, self-motivated person. You also have a strong sense of responsibility and a desire to get things done properly, along with being a reliable team player. You demonstrated all the above qualificiations last year, when you held the huge benefit for your girlfriend. You put alot of hard work and took on a big responsibility to organize this benefit. This turned out to be a huge success because of you. Honestly my boss could use a person like you. I think this position is a great opportunity for you to use your skills and begin a new career that will benefit you personally and professionally. Call me tonight.
In your first paragraph, do you mean peruse or pursue?
There's an error in this phrase: "is expected to grown by 47 percent
What is a " fast-past environment?"
This whole phrase doesn't make sense. I suspect you mean "worked." But was the environment highly self-motivated?
"Having work in a fast-past environment, highly self-motivated, with solid organization and decision making skills,"
What is a billing and coding? Don't you need a word after those adjectives?
"I believe a career as a medical billing & coding would be perfect"
There are so many careless errors in this paragraph, it would be thrown out as representing someone who is not detail-oriented enough to fulfill this job. Didn't you proofread what you wrote?
It should have been pursue a career in the medical service field. and the other mistake was having worked in a fast-past career. I have been work for 25 years and do have experience in many jobs......
Do you have any answers for the second paragraph or is this not well either
What the dickens is a "fast-past career?" Is it like a fast-food restaurant? Or is this the phrase you need? http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fast-paced
Before I even look at the second paragraph, please post your revised paragraph. Be sure to correct all of the errors I showed you.
With the job market changing rapidly, I found that the Medical Service field is expected to grow by 47 percent by the year 2012. This motivated me to pursue a career in the medical service field. Having worked in a fast-pace career, highly self-motivated and solid organization and decision making skills, I believe a career as a medical billing & coding would be perfect. While completing my degree and receiving a certification in medical billing & coding I cultivated a true passion for this field. Therefore a position with VNA of Buffalo, would be a great accomplishment. The opportunity presneted to me is very appealing. I believe that my experience and education will make me a competitive candiate for this position.
Please DO NOT use anyone else's name in the First Name box. That makes it look as though I posted the above -- even though your capitalization is wrong.
This is much better -- but far from being polished.
Why did you capitalize medical service in the first sentence, but not the second? You should be consistent, but the caps are not needed.
The biggest errors are in this sentence. I've bolded the corrections.
"Having worked in a fast-paced career, I am highly self-motivated and have solid organization and decision making skills. I believe a career as a medical billing & coding clerk would be perfect."
Spell checks are wonderful in detecting typos like these.
If you'd still like us to correct your second paragraph, please click "Post a new question," and copy and paste it there, along with your instructions.