Can someone tell me what I need wrong please.
I use the first 12 line in the poem and my assignment was to, choose one of the following poems to imitate: "Black Hair," p. 68 (first person), "I Knew a Woman," p. 117-18 (first person), “To Aunt Rose,” p. 119-120 (first person), or "Life Cycle of Common Man," p. 121-22 (third person).
Use the same form (line length, stanza breaks, and indentations) but change the poem's content to reflect your wise mentor. Also, use the same point of view as your chosen model poem.
While writing and revising, seek the most precise word choices possible to convey your imagined wise old man, woman, or creature. Remember to use concrete images wherever possible. Be sure to note which poem you use as your model poem.
I Knew a Woman
by Theodore Roethke
I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them;
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:
The shapes a bright container can contain!
Of her choice virtues only gods should speak,
Or English poets who grew up on Greek
(I’d have them sing in chorus, cheek to cheek.)
How well her wishes went! She stroked my chin,
She taught me Turn, and Counter-turn, and stand;
She taught me Touch, that undulant white skin:
I nibbled meekly from her proffered hand;
She was the sickle; I, poor I, the rake,
ENG311- Mentor Poem
Model Poem: "I Knew a Woman" by Theodore Roethke
I knew a woman, that look different inside and out,
While other talking, she step in the middle;
When she sing, everybody drop what they are doing:
No one can take her place or full her shoes!
She was great at everything she did,
The way she look at me when she walk away playing with her hair
(She cried when she heard those words).
How well she play card! When they need her,
She taught me to walk, how to love everyone around me;
She taught me to listen, how to love the love myself;
I waited in the room until she came out with good news
She was the light; I sun, I, the world,
Work mostly on verb forms, especially past tense forms and the 3rd person singular of present and auxiliary verbs, so you don't have subject/verb mismatches:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm
I knew a woman who looked different inside and out,
While others are talking, she stepped in the middle;
When she sang, everybody dropped what they were doing:
No one could take her place or fill her shoes!
She was great at everything she did,
The way she look<~~?? at me when she walk<~~?? away playing with her hair
(She cried when she heard those words).
How well she play<~~?? card<~~??! When they<~~?? need<~~?? her,
She taught me to walk, how to love everyone around me;
She taught me to listen, how to love the<~~?? love myself;
I waited in the room until she came out with good news
She was the light; I sun, I, the world,<~~??
Re-post when you've fixed everything.
This line should be
While others were talking, she stepped in the middle;
Based on the information provided, it seems like you have written a poem imitating Theodore Roethke's "I Knew a Woman." However, without having access to the entire poem, it is difficult to accurately assess what you may have done wrong. To get a better understanding of what you may need to correct, you can consider the following steps:
1. First, read through your poem and compare it to the original model poem, "I Knew a Woman" by Theodore Roethke. Pay attention to the line length, stanza breaks, indentations, and overall structure of the poem. Look for any discrepancies or variations from the original format.
2. Next, examine the content of your poem. Check whether you have effectively changed the content to reflect a wise mentor, as instructed. Look for concrete images and precise word choices that convey the characteristics of your wise old man, woman, or creature.
3. Review the assignment guidelines again. Ensure that you have correctly followed the instructions regarding the use of the same form, point of view, and specific poems provided as options.
4. If possible, seek feedback from your instructor, classmates, or peers. They will be able to provide insights and suggestions for improvement, as they are familiar with the assignment requirements and objectives.
By critically evaluating your poem according to the steps outlined above, you should be able to identify any potential mistakes or areas for improvement. Remember, it is crucial to carefully read and understand the assignment instructions to ensure that you are meeting all the required criteria.